Oh, if it ended I would be done being vulnerable and I would be done trying to rebuild connections. I would put my emotional energy into a new relationship when I'm ready for that. Until then, my dogs would get extra love.
Right now I'm trying to improve myself and save my marriage. When I'm done saving my marriage, either because the D process has been completed or because I no longer want to save my marriage, at that point I will stop the things that are designed to save it.
I'll let that ember go out. I'll stop hoping for him to come back. I'll put some emotional and physical distance between us to protect myself while I get over him and get over the hurt and rejection. I'll stop living with him. I'll stop keeping the house neat for him. I'll stop picking him up at the airport. I'll stop avoiding other men who might be interested in me. I would not let myself be vulnerable to H because I would no longer be seeking to establish intimacy with him.
There are a lot of things I've learned that I would still practice with him because we'll still be coparents and will need to get along. I've learned how to be less reactive, how to take things less personally, how to communicate more clearly and how to recognize and stop oppositional behavior that I'm guilty of. I'll use the tools I have to have a good coparenting relationship with him. But I intend to move on and look elsewhere to get my emotional and relationship needs met.
Does that get at what you're asking?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
