I'm vulnerable to H because I trust MYSELF that I will be ok. He said some of the most awful things a H could say to a W and what happened? I survived, and I actually benefited from it. So worst case scenario if I put myself out there and he rebuffs me, can I deal with that? If yes, then I trust myself to go ahead and try.

How to stop taking my feelings from my H's words and actions I learned from Pia Mellody's CDs on boundaries, which I listened to about 4 or 5 times. I posted the notes from them somewhere on these message boards. Maybe that CD set would help with what you're struggling with.

I didn't understand your second paragraph.

You've got to learn to make a happy you - your H is on his own for his happiness. That's covered in the boundaries series too.

Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
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Happiness is a warm puppy.