Hello Like many here I am dealing with a husband who had an affair and I found out in February. At the time I was dealing with my very Ill mother who died less than a month later. My husband had gotten a new phone and was acting funny, taking it everywhere and even to the bathroom. He locked it from me but I managed to figure it out and found partial texts that they had written to each other. He told her he loved her etc. Said things to her that I haven't heard in years. He has always been controlling and selfish. Embarrassed me in public. Now this. He tells me he is not seeing her anymore but I don't know. He was buying clothes and watching his weight. He is trying to do all kinds of things like writing papers to be published and he is successful but he is also busy with a sailboat he has had since before we were married and he is teaching a class at a local college. He is involved in astronomy which leaves little time for us or family. He also talks about wanting a new telescope which is extremely expensive and says he wants to write a book. I am not working now because I was taking care of my mom and that bugs him. He admitted he was trying to do all these things before he died because he feels he doesn't have much time. He has always been a hypochondriac. I believethis MLC getting worse is because his dad died last summer suffered a great deal before his death which was hard for my husband. Also my mother suffered and it was similar to his dad. I got the divorce remedy and started to try 180. Very difficult for me to do and a little too soon to tell how it's working. My family went up north for the weekend and he met us a day later to work on his boat he said, but he didn't get there til late in the day and our bed looked like he just turned it down and didn't sleep in it. I worry I am being betrayed again. How do you start getting a life? I have made some plans Without him and trying to act differently.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I'm new as well, but the one thing I thought of regarding my own situation when reading your post was after the bout with the OW. The two things I failed at where 1) addressing the issues that caused the affair and 2) repairing the loss of trust that resulted from the affair.
In my case, we just brushed it under the rug, she said she was sorry, I got even more insecure, and we muddled thru a few more years before things started breaking again.
I am trying to figure this web thing out. I only just found these answers. I was typing so fast that I said it bugged my husband that I was taking care of my mom. Not true. I took care of her until she died in march and told my husband I was not going to work this summer. That is what is bugging him. He makes enough money to pay the bills but he has been neglecting some medical bills and others. Starting to get collection calls.
He claims he had the affair with a woman at work because I threatened divorce 3 times in our marriage. I threatened because I was treated very disrespectfully by him It has been a problem throughout our marriage. This past weekend when we were up north he wanted to sleep in a certain bed and my neice was using it so I told him he could sleep in a double bed downstairs or with me in a double bed. Well that was too crowded to sleep with me so he said he was going to drive home (2 hours) because I didn't make sleeping arrangments. He told me I could sleep downstairs but I didnt want to because my mom used to sleep there and I am not ready to go there. So he went downstairs and finally decided to sleep down there. Thats the kind of thing I usually have to deal with - very self centered.
I have been suffering from depression and he does not want anything do with me physically even though I asked for a hug here and there. Will not and no sex. He has admitted he is doing too much but he won't quit. Now he hangs out at the bar with 2 friends once or twice a week along with all his other interests. Spends very little time with me and still sleeps in my bed. We were goin to a therapist once together and then separate but she just listens and gives no homework. We were supposed to meet with her together for a second time and my husband has not called to make an appt. I have tried distancing my self and I don't tell him I love him or beg anymore. He is talking to me some but won't seek me out when he comes home and Im in a different room.
I know I need to GAL and have done some things like lose weight and work out. Any advice is appreciated.
My husband does not want to talk about the ow. I only hear about what I did. He claims responsibility for the affair but because I threatened divorce and nagged him and wasnt that interested in sex as much anymore thats what drove it. But on my side it was how I was being treated by him. He was always first. I came to resent it.
bump means someone is moving your thread to the top.
^ means 'bump'
mlc means Mid Life Crisis--we have a forum for that on this website--Cadet thinks you should post there as well to see which forum works best for you. Cadet is pretty wise.
