When it's a one-way street...part 6

[wishing, hoping]

That's a good question. I'll use me as an example.

My H is or may be being unfaithful, regardless he is acting very cold and is not coming home nights, has said he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me. So what do I do to rebuild a relationship when there is no trust, how do I build trust when it is continually broken, and how do I rebuild trust when the other person isn't doing anything to try?

I tell myself, focus on yourself. I look hard at how I've become in the marriage and I work on that, I stop looking at him and I give him space and more space. We're not at the point where I would work on him and is problems. I'm working on being a happy person in the middle of a rotten situation. I'm working on finding joy inside instead of absorbing low self-esteem and low value from my H. I'm working on why I was so emotionally reactive to him, and I'm working on handling each opportunity with him better and better. I'm analyzing how he pushes my buttons and what I do in response and whether that helped me or not.

I'm using this experience with him to propel me in self-exploration and self-improvement. I may end up with him, or I may end up without him, but I already know how to set and negotiate boundaries with him and I'm already more happy from within than miserable from outside. I'm already going to be a better partner later on.

I could be focusing (ok sometimes I am) on how he said something mean or how he isn't there for the kids, or how thoughtless he is about me, or how his hair is thinning, or he sees my clothes on the floor but not his. I'm trying to think of my parallels to your 'eating food off the plate.' But right now he isn't even interested in appealing to me so my focus is on me.

It is a win-win. I end up married and healthier or divorced and healthier. That's what I'd like for you, and that's what I would advise someone else. Also, I would encourage you to be strong and face the 2x4s because it helps you to bounce your thoughts off others. We're not all here to agree with each other, necessarily. Hang in there & be tough! Best regards,

This is golden. Thank you so much for this. It is all about us trying to survive and become the better person.