WHG: Looking for the shrinking cake

[workinghardguy]

Yes Say... that's very much what it feels like. Like the anger has dissipated. That she is trying to re-engage. I just don't know what the end game/goal is. I don't know that she knows either.

We've always stated from the start that we want to be civil. Maybe friends some day. That's where we started. Her actions now are unlike her actions in the past. I don't know the motivation so I can't assign a value. All I can do is observe they are different.

She posted a photo on Facebook yesterday of our S blowing bubbles and tagged me in it so I would see it. I know... that seems so minor. It's the first time though in seven months she's acknowledged I existed on FB. This after scrubbing every piece of my existence from her FB page.

This morning I was walking to my S's school for the ceremony marking his passage to first grade. W was going to be there too. As I walked down the street she pulls up behind me and offers me a ride. Again, so very minor but lightyears from where things were.

Then she asked if it was okay to sit with me during the ceremony. I said yes because... well, what else would I say? No? Go sit by yourself? I guess I could but that seems petty and weird. And it made S happy to have us there, together, to celebrate his achievement. Midway through the ceremony (it was 90 minutes long as they celebrated multiple grades) she asked if I wanted to go get some coffee and we could come back near the end for the social function (as it was really chilly outside at the ceremony). I told her that I'd rather wait and watch the ceremony. Right after that S came looking for us and sat with us.

Ceremony got done and she gave me a ride back home. We talked a bit and I used it as a chance to discuss how S has been feeling. That he says he doesn't like sharing his feelings about the D with my W because, "when I do she just starts talking really fast and then she does something to cheer me up." Which I'm sure is exactly what happens since my W talks fast when she's nervous and she hates seeing the kids, especially the youngest, in pain.

So yes... it's a struggle. To Figg's point... I don't stop by her place without a purpose that is kid related and I always clear it first. If I have something to give her/drop off I do it when she's not there.

It's her dropping in on me that I struggle with. It's a very new behavior. Now three times in a week... prior to that she hadn't just "dropped in". She at least gave me notice. I don't know if I sit down with her and say that I don't appreciate the drop-ins. Problem is she does them with S in tow or when I'm with S. Sort of like a safety buffer... she knows I won't say no to seeing my S. I'm not sure if I want to say no to that.

And then part of me knows she is very nervous about the summer. Money is tight. Kids are home more which means more expense. She's starting her Masters program on-line this summer. Part of me wonders if this "thaw" (of sorts) is her trying to keep a lifeline open in case things go crazy or whatnot.