and because your've read this board and possibly the books, you're EXPECTING your h to be the LBS and follow all the stuff - do the 180's etc
i thought you HAD BEEN the WAS and now he was the WAS
i think there are two WAS's here - both you and him.
your quote that you've had for months - reading it everyday - you've kept the WAS idea and mentality completely alive in your mind and stuck to it, and still tried to "work on your marriage"
it's okay , if that is really how you clearly feel, and that you have to find out for yourself.
what i hear from your post, isn't that you really want to walk away - what i hear is that you are hurting really bad and looking to your h to make it better.
there's co-dependency there and the first thing you have to work on is realizing fully that h is not responsible for your happiness, you are, and all his actions do not need to extract a huge emotional response from you.
sounds more and more to me as if you really do need to go talk to a professional that can help you see these things and put them into perspective.
i hope sincerely that you can do that for yourself
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
