I had THE BEST weekend at the photography retreat. I met some amazing people and learned a lot about myself. One of those things being that I need to EMBRACE the person I am. Far too often I am comparing myself to others and seeing myself as LESS. I had to tell myself there is a reason I am the way I am. There's a reason why I'm not as super outgoing as other people... because I have a sincere, tender heart. I take my relationships personally. I prefer connecting with people on a deeper level rather than skimming the surface.
Taking a step back to observe this about myself and the way I interact with a group was really profound for me. I learned that there are a lot of people that appreciate me and value me... but I also need to VALUE myself. I need to know my worth.
It was so interesting because we went around the group to talk about each other's photography work and when it came to me, a woman that I mentored with and have looked up to for so long, said to me, you are "our state's" best kept secret and I have mentioned this to several people here. You talk to people like your work isn't really anything special and then I go to your blog and you are constantly blowing me away. You have it, girl. You just need to believe in yourself.
I was literally sobbing. Several people made absolutely amazing comments about my work. Things that I didn't even think people noticed. It took me a long time to regain my composure so that I could talk again and respond to their comments. Very, very emotional time for me.
One of the things I mentioned was that I have been debating for a long time whether photography is something that I should continue to pursue or not. It has been an internal struggle to know if this is the right path for me. I now know, that I NEED it in my life to have something for ME. It's my creative outlet and it makes me so proud to see how much I've grown with it.
On my way up to the retreat I dropped my kids off to H. I have to admit, I looked pretty amazing. I bought some new lipstick (bright red, I never wear bright red) and was dressed in some pretty tight jeggings. When I got out of the car my H said, you look pretty. I could then see him checking me out the entire time I was there.
He then asked me questions about the retreat. And my D6 kept wanting to talk to me and give me kisses and hugs. The whole situation felt really good because I had something to look forward to this weekend. I knew no matter what H and the kids were doing, I am doing something that is absolutely for me so I can see why GAL is so important. It makes you feel empowered. It brings back your self-esteem.
On Sunday at the retreat we all got our hair and makeup done and went out and took pictures of each other. I have to tell you, I was really feeling it being in front of the camera. I really felt so beautiful and relaxed. It was a good feeling. I then saw some of the pictures the other photographer's took of me and I was so overwhelmed with happiness!! It was so amazing to be able to see myself that way.
I'm constantly taking pictures of others and rarely do I get the same kind of pictures taken of me. It was such a great gift to be given.
I will be getting my kids back tomorrow morning. I've been aching to see them.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
