Regarding the whole court thing again, 25, she did see the tears in my eyes I am sure. Not sure if it really mattered to her. At this stage (and on that day) she believes that all I care about is the $$$ - which I have never mentioned. So she probably thought the tears were about that - not the sadness. I told my L I can make more money eventually, but I can never make up the time I lose with my son.
As far a dating goes - I am really worried that if I DO chose to go that route that the NEGATIVE of the two scenarios you painted will play out. Meaning that she will use it as a proof point that I never really was committed to reconciling. In a sense, I want to tell her that I didn't WALK away from her - she pushed me away. I have made it very clear that I want to work on things. Not sure if you saw the post from a few weeks ago - but at dinner she said that I "set the bar really high in terms of men" and "that there are not a lot of guys out there like you". I looked at her and said "I am sitting right here!". To which she responded - "yes, but we have major problems". Problems? Yes. IMHO Major? No. But I have learned the hard way not to minimize her feelings on any particular issue.
She got an iPhone the other day and had been texting me for help with it a little bit. Ironic that smart phones were one of her gripes with me. I kinda miss that "being useful" feeling - ya know? She said she signed up for a class at the Apple Store. Glad she did, but oddly bummed that I won't be helping.
At two, s is starting to really develop his personality and is getting a little bossy - but that is to be expected. I try to keep I'm busy. We swam in the pool this weekend and did chalk art on the concrete on the back patio. We have started a little tradition where we go to a local outdoor mall and split a "like it" sized ice cream from Coldstone and watch kids play in the little splash pad fountain. I almost always leave my phone in the car so I won't be pulled away from him. I enjoy these good times with him - a lot. But I am often slightly melancholy when it hits me that W is not there with us to watch and enjoy. That's when the weight of being a "single dad" to a toddler hits me. I miss the family life more and more every day sometimes.
Anyhoooo - I am trying to remain constant in my actions and changes, but firm when I have to be. The week leading up to and after the settlement hearing was a real challenge. I think she was so pissed at me she just threw her hands up. Maybe it's temporary, maybe not - but I am still trying to the extent that I can and still maintain respect for myself.
