Thank you t, I appreciate you saying that. I figure laughing is better than being a crying mess in the fetal position on the floor.... . Really the real me is a happy person who loves to laugh... Somewhere I had lost that. I've been doing a lot of thinking with all of this extra time.... A few months ago I couldn't understand how some people were saying going through this has been the worst and best thing to happen to them, now I see myself in that statement. I look back to when this happened and can't believe I didn't see the depression I had already been in, and the anger I had at God about the fertility issues (never a good decision to turn ur back on God, he may give u a big horrible world altering kick in the pants!). Maybe this was the wake up call I needed to save myself.... Who knows how bad my depression could have gotten before I got help, if I ever even realized I needed help. Lately I have been feeling like the old me, and in some ways even better. My self esteem was never all that great, I've found it much improved (of course losing 40 pounds helped!). I'm back to being able to find the joy in the little things and truly enjoying the people around me again. I'm enjoying activites I plan, even though sometimes the saddeness creeps in that I am not able to share them with H.
I've accepted the fact that he's crazy right now and nothing I do or say will mean anything So I'm just going to continue to be the caring, fun, silly, empathic person I am meant to be and let God deal with the rest. ( Gods probably thinking finally!!! Took her long enough!)
That being said I know I will still have my cryigng days, my vent on here days, and my days of wanting to take him and shake him, but through that I always know there are going to be brighter days ahead.
. Really the real me is a happy person who loves to laugh... Somewhere I had lost that. I've been doing a lot of thinking with all of this extra time.... A few months ago I couldn't understand how some people were saying going through this has been the worst and best thing to happen to them, now I see myself in that statement. I look back to when this happened and can't believe I didn't see the depression I had already been in, and the anger I had at God about the fertility issues (never a good decision to turn ur back on God, he may give u a big horrible world altering kick in the pants!). Maybe this was the wake up call I needed to save myself.... Who knows how bad my depression could have gotten before I got help, if I ever even realized I needed help. Lately I have been feeling like the old me, and in some ways even better. My self esteem was never all that great, I've found it much improved (of course losing 40 pounds helped!). I'm back to being able to find the joy in the little things and truly enjoying the people around me again. I'm enjoying activites I plan, even though sometimes the saddeness creeps in that I am not able to share them with H.
