Last Resort Technique - Can I correct problems?

[2thepoint]

Hey LOST - see my comments in red font inside of the quotation block. Scroll all the way through because there are additional comments that may not be visible

I feel that if I don't enforce the August 2012 date, she will call my bluff because I believe she thinks I am not serious.

You may be right, but August is 3 months away. You have the entire summer to continue working on YOU and that also gives your W time to realize what she is doing and for her R with the OM to mature and quite possibly fizzle out. If you have truly set her free, she will no longer be using her energy to fight you and that will force her attention elsewhere and this is where reality may set in for your W. No guarantees of course, but there is that possibility.

When I got the ILYBNILWY, this is what she said and was her reasons for the OM:
- We never did anything together
- I let myself go
- The OM showed her attention when I didn't

This is typical WAW script. My W said many of the same things and more and if you browse any random thread on this forum, you will likely find similar stories as well.

WE NEVER DID ANYTHING TOGETHER
At that time, I had a crappy job and we were struggling financially. My hours were not consistent and I didn't want to spend money we didn't have.

In March, I quit the crappy job and found a new job making more money with nights and weekends off. We started to do more. We were planning vacations.

Then on April 16, I confronted her about the OM. I told her I we were doing things again and my new job was helping. She said it was too late.

Again, typical script. While you were in your depressive state she went looking for attention elsewhere and found it. It doesn't mean it is long lasting or even true love. But, it is what it is so now you need to figure out what to do next.

I LET MYSELF GO
I was depressed for a few months. My crappy job and time with the kids didn't give me the time I needed. However, since I discovered the OM, I started working out almost everyday and have dropped almost 25 lbs.

Good! Work on yourself. But only for your own benefit. Because if you attach your actions to expectations that your W will notice you will be disappointed, every time.

THE OM SHOWED HER ATTENTION WHEN I DIDN'T
I am at a loss here. I didn't realize this was happening. She never told me. All I remember that it is tough raising a 2 and 4 year old. It seemed on nights I wasn't at work, the girls wouldn't go down until 10pm. After that, my wife would be too tired to do anything. We fell into this rut.

Welcome to the club! My W was having an emotional affair in plain sight with my approval because I didn't recognize it for what it was. As a result, she had this OM whispering in her ear about how wonderful she was and what a great future they could have together, if only.... and then BAM!! She dropped the bomb on my head and the affair turned physical.

I see what she was lacking and why she is in the MLC with the OM. She gets to be a part-time mom and spend all the other nights going out. I want to go out. I want to do things with her. If that is what she wants, do I stay with the LRT or do I show her that I am someone that will do things with her?

Yes, she is taking full advantage of her new found freedom. If I were you, I'd stay in LRT and also establish and enforce some boundaries such as a formal visitation schedule so that you have time for you and your W will have to deal with raising kids on her own when it is her time. If you haven't already split your finances, you may want to consider doing that as well. It is time for you to go into preservation mode to protect yourself and your assets.

I don't want to move to D without showing my W the person I am. That she doesn't need the OM to have someone to go out with.

You have the gift of time. Use it wisely. Part of what makes the LRT useful is that it gives you an opportunity to work on yourself, in the absence of your W's influence. As a result, you will create mystery and that can be attractive.

Think of it in terms of a good friend whom you haven't seen in a long time. Then one day you see them and they have lost weight, perhaps changed their hair color or style, bought new stylish clothes and even have an air of confidence that was not there before.

Don't you think your W would be interested in learning more about who this new person is? This is why you need to stay in the LRT and stop all manner of pursuit. There is nothing you can do to "force" your W to come back. If she comes back it is because she has decided to do so.

Keep the focus, stop the pursuit, stay in LRT and watch for signs of movement. Keep posting and let us know what you are seeing.