My situation with my WAW....

[peringo]

This is interesting, her mother left for home friday night, and saturday she did not contact me at all about the welfare of our son, first time ever! It shows who really is concerned about my boy....

[MrBond]

"It shows who really is concerned about my boy...."

You can't keep thinking this way. If you maintain a holier than thou attitude with her, you will definitely come off as judgemental and a definite turn off.

[peringo]

I don't come off that way with her.... unless she is reading these boards.... if thats the case, running out of places to vent....

Trying so hard to disconnect.... have a party tonite, mostly singles, so it should be fun.

[LostIn407]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Mine is similar.

I worked too hard to support my family. Wouldn't want to do anything when I wasn't working because I was either too tired or too concerned about finances. Shortly after my wife starting working, she started an affair with someone at her work.

First step is to accept there is nothing you can do to change her immediately. As men, we tend to be fixers and expect to be able to fix things quickly. This process will not be quick.

The affair is an outlet for her and unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it. The OM right now is all "good things" for her. If you push or pursue, you only make the OM look better in her eyes. Right now, the OM can do no wrong. He has nothing to lose in this situation.

The feeling of loneliness will come and go. One day you will feel great, the next worse than ever.

GAL. This is what is most important right now. Unfortunately, if it doesn't work out and you can't save your M, GAL will help. Don't start to GAL after the M is over or the process will drag on too long.

Keep your head up.

[adinva]

What you think drives how you feel. You can change what you think by trying to see her point of view, different as it may be from your own.

Do you want to vent or do you want to grow?

Are you a victim or do you have any power to change your half of the equation?

MrBond.... the only issue that I am aware of is that I worked way to much to support the family, often times coming home and just dropping from exhaustion, letting the financial pressures of life cause me to neglect my wife... a month after she got a job I stopped working all those hours because be were on top of things, but by then it was to late, a coworker, who makes alot more said and did all the right things to get in her pants....

This is all we know so far about what went wrong in your marriage, and it appears you own none of it - it was financial pressures and her coworker. Is there anything you can learn about relationships that can make you a better partner and coparent in the future?

[peringo]

Hi Ad---
I am still at a loss as to what went wrong in our marriage, all she has said is "you don't understand how he makes me feel" I have always treated as a princess, most of my family has always said I treat her to well... I admit the passion wasn't as high as it was when we were first dating, I blame myself for that, working way to many hours to be a good provider... thats all I can come up with...

I want to grow...

I have the power to change mt end of the equation, just not the oppertunity...

The lesson learned is... don't let the finiancial pressures of life cause you to neglect your family...

[peringo]

"mt end of the equation" no idea where that came from

[adinva]

I'm digging a little, bear with me. There are people who deal with financial pressures and don't neglect their marriage. Do you have good coping skills? Did you put work as a higher priority than your family? Were there choices you could have made to lessen the pressure like a smaller place or something? How did you deal with the financial pressures with your W. Was she a partner in whom you confided and brainstormed solutions? Was she on board with you working so much?

You say you treated her like a princess. What are her values, what has she indicated means the most to her? Does she like being treated like a princess or did it annoy her? Did you connect on an intimate level, with conversations and eye contact?

Did you lose yourself in the marriage? What about you attracted you to her at first? What can you do to GAL now?

[peringo]

I did not place work higher than my family, I probably placed making sure the bills were paid higher than my family... I did not confide in her as much as I should have about money, I did not want her to worry, I also did not want her to feel as though she had to get a job.

She never once complained about me working so much, although I believe she did not like the consequences, I would often times come home exhausted, and just collapse.



I think I might have lost myself with the debt load I was supporting, a new marriage, a new house, a new car, a new baby. I believe my thoughts were consumed by the pressure of taking care of everything, resulting in me not being as emotionally available.

I fell in love with her heart her values her sense of right and wrong, years ago she give up her life in spain to go home and take care of her sick grandfather, that kind of dedication towards family is what really won my heart. Her values it's always been strong in family and morals and setting a good example for her younger cousins. She was never selfish,never materialistic, until this new job, and the new environment she is exposed to. Thinking back our intimate conversations and eye contact started to disappear shortly after she started this job, I just figured it was stress from work.

I miss my bride, my bestfriend...

No there is so little contact and what there is is very cold in business like, I keep hoping that I'm going to wake up from this nightmare.

[peringo]

Had a good nite of GAL as its called... but it also reinforced that fact that my wife is the one I wish to spend eternity with.... but I had fun anyways