Im sorry I can't remember, but have you been to IC? What reading have you done on emotional abuse?
You know what Tad, Im going to share something with you. I don't know if it will help, but Im going to. Something dawned on me last night in regards to how I still feel so stuck and powerless at times, and it's always when I have some sort of interaction with my XH.
I was reading up on the first wives club on the Dr. Phil website, and how devastated these LBS women were. As I read through their situations, they all were in a place where they were stuck and just couldn't move on to the better place where they wanted to be. And in my opinion the reason they couldn't do it ( and then I realized this was going on with myself) is that these women allowed these men to take all their power from them by not truly accepting how awful these husbands were to them! And Im completely guilty for doing this to myself.
Look at what she's done to you Tad? Look at how she has mentally and emotionally ripped you to shreds? Only to layer it with her charm, witt, and appearing like she cares only to slam you again?And Again? Your Xw isn't capable of a healthy and truly loving relationship of any sort by the way she's treated you in the past and does in the present. This has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. You didn't do anything wrong! I know Tad, I know how much their venom leaves us in a huge state of disarray and devastation.
When you start to believe in yourself again, and get your self esteem and power coming back to you, it's easier to see these people for what they truly are right now.
I think that we end up disilluioning ourselves into thinking that if we're patient enough, if we care enough, and change things about ourselves enough that it will turn things around and eventually this person will change. They will see the changes in us and be attracted to us again. Basically pyschology dictates that, but just because they're attracted to us again, does this mean they're healthy enough for a healthy and loving relationship? NO! Anyone we choose to be involved with must love us for who we are, not what we can do for them.
Tad to help me get through this and grow I've had to accept some things about XH that I've been in complete denial about for a very long time. I also realize that my entire life, past and future all set on this man, and what mood he was in. What he wanted to do. What he was willing to do. What he was interested in or not. I made the choice to put all my dreams aside because I didn't have enough self esteem to take them on my own, with or without him.
So you know what? I say get angry. Be pissed. GEt out a piece of paper and write down every horrible thing she's ever done to you and still continues to do. I think you're stifling alot of anger , and anger turned inside turns into despair and depression. What kind of healthy individual does this to other people and shows no remorse? No apologies, or concern?
I still get angry Tad, I really do. I've worked very hard on figuring out why I would still feel so much anger towards someone that treated me so badly. I don't ever get this upset about anyone else in my life at all. WEll for me I know it's because I feel he took all my power away. I feel powerless when he acts like he's the happiest man alive after he devastated me and my girls. I feel powerless after what he's done, and then he comes around like absolutely nothing has happened and that we're best friends. AS far as my xh is concerned, he get exactly what he wanted and he's happy. AS to how my emotions have been shredded, he doesn't care at all.
So I ask myself why in the hell would I want to have anything to do with a man like that?
I hope you ask yourself that a dozen times about your wife. You don't deserve this and never have.
