Something The Boys And I Have Noticed

[tadpole1025]

Thank you Snodderly.

Bad day today. Guess I'm not as detached as I thought. I just don't know if I can do any of this anymore. A friend saw on FB that XW posted:

"I'm starting to realize that I am in love hook line and sinker. How did that happen? Life is wonderful."

Wow. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

When does the pain stop? When do I quit caring? Why do I still love her? Why am I finding it so hard to believe that she did this? How can someone just turn off feelings and become a different person? How can she just leave me and everyone else in the dust? Why can't she see that what she did was so wrong?

I suppose that marriage is next.

We had plans. Even up until bomb drop....

I haven't had a day like this in a long long time.

How?

HOW AND WHY?

I suppose I'll get 2X4s for this.

Everyone says that "I" need to work on me and focus on me. How can I do that when every ounce of energy has been spent on hurting for her and trying to keep my bills paid and food on my table for the kids that she deserted?

I've been going through this for almost 20 months and I'm not sure if I can go one more day. I'm done.

It has been easier, but then a day like today comes along.

What the Hell happened? Life was so good until bomb drop.

I don't know who I am or what I want. It seems like I just struggle to get through one more day. In other words, it seems like I am just existing.

I have no plans, hopes or dreams. The ones that I had were taken away by someone that I loved dearly and trusted with my life.

She has moved on with her "wonderful life" and I'm stuck spinning wheels in the mud.

What happened to her?

What THE F*CK happened to her?

And why?

I am not a bad person. I didn't deserve this, but I am the one that gets sh!t on.

Sorry for the rant.

Ok, maybe I'm not.

I just had to get it out there....

Tad