So with being Detached this is more of a me thing. On the inside I can't let my W's moods/emotions get the better of me. On the outside I will have a big smile and be in a good mood when I am around her despite how I am feeling inside.
I don't have a problem with not contacting her during the day while we work, but lately my S10 has been behaving very badly before school after she leaves for work. He has some issues that we go to a doctor for but it can be very deflating. When my W was home with the kids and I went to work early she would call often to vent. I used to call her, but now I don't and some days it is very hard. I get depressed and the rest of the day is not so good. I am trying to not let him get the better of me, but some days are better than others.
W this morning was tired but brought up going for dinner on Friday Night. I will see if she wants to finalize plans tonight.
Since her last doctor visit she is now on the pill to control her periods and bleading. This is the first time she has been on it again in 13 or so years. I have read some posts here that suggest this may cause mood swings and have read a few articles about it. Although I have no control over it I guess it does not hurt to get some information so I am not blind sided by it all.
She was tired this morning so I let her be. I am also trying some of the DB techniques on my S10, I am not showing him any anger when he starts to act up since that is what he wants. I know I am crazy.
Well it has almost been a month and thought I would check in on the boards and provide an update on the situation. I found that rather than journaling on a daily basis here that by going through my old posts and the input from all of you has helped me out tremendously.
The date nights have been a real hit with my W. Now when time permits we are meeting each other for lunch and enjoy the time away from the kids. My mom has been taking the kids overnight and we both now look forward to the nights out.
We have been doing this and things between us are getting better. Then my W was terminated from her job. She has taken this hard, but I have been supportive of her. Rather than harping on her for what had happened I have told her that she will find another job and to move on.
She has put her weeding ring on again and changed her facebook back to married. I did not make a big deal about either as the last few months have made me apprehensive. She is also more affectionate hugging and kissing me when I leave and come home.
She apologized for the last few months and has realized how much I mean to her (her words). I said nothing, but listened.
I know that I have a ton of work to do in order to make this a successful and happy marriage. I know that I have to share my feelings with my W and that I have to communicate with her. I don't know if this is piercing, but I know that I don't want my M to go back to what it was.
Very happy for you SIW! Good for you. Be careful with the MC, be sure you meet with them alone first and strategize about how you want to approach it and what you want to focus on. They vary greatly in quality and there is no universal measuring stick for how good they are. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to shop around and make sure you have the right one for the two of you. You should do the homework yourself, then introduce W and give her veto power.
One problem with MC is that it can force you to lay bare things that may be better said after the relationship has had more time to heal. Also, as DB says, "what you focus on expands" and MC's will tend to focus on problems, which then makes them expand.
I honestly had better success doing joint telephone coaching with a DB coach with my W.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
