"W, when you treat me this way and threaten me, it shows me how I cannot expect or assume that you'll be fair w/me in South Carolina,
or that you'd ever put your anger behind you... WHEREAS, In California, bad mouthing your spouse is called "parental alienation" and it's frowned upon so much that it's grounds for LOSING custody....& since
I don't know SC's laws BUT I like the protection of California law and fear you'll only keep on harping about me to son & pressure me to give up my rights -- I can think of NO reason to go there.
The negative carping will damage him more than it'll damage me....and you can't see that, which is sad b/c it means your anger is your priority, not our son."
Were you serious about me using this as a possible message, 25?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Quieter than I'd like. The three hours I had with our son was, to say the least, too short and too rushed. I've always felt this since this silly schedule was setup and enforced by my wife. It's worth noting that when our son spends a day or more with me at a time (which is far a few between), he and I have bigger smiles and louder laughs. The proof is in the photos I take. Both of us can breath and stretch out when we interact and play. I try everyday to maintain that, but it's just not the same.
Also, I didn't send my wife a long text in the end. I just let her know what time I'd be there and to let me know if she had change of plans. She responded with a "K."
UPDATE Okay, I seek especially the wisdom/opinion/thoughts/feelings of the fairer sex here (or anybody, for that matter). I won't repeat the context of this journal entry, but you can probably catch up from reading the last couple of pages of this thread.
6:07pm - My wife pulls up to pick our son up. One of the first thing she says is "Did you get my stipulation yet?"
M: Yes. I met with my lawyer on Friday to discuss it. W: Are you going to sign it? M: [Pause] No. M: There were a lot of things I didn't agree on, and my lawyer had sent our reply on Friday afternoon. W: Are you sure? M: Yes. W: Well, I asked my lawyer today and she said she has not received it. M: Hmm, okay. ...Yadda yadda yadda...
A few moments later, after our son was buckled into his seat, she asks again, "So you're not going to cancel the court date?"
M:What? W: Are you going to cancel the court date? Or is this like the typical Alamo that doesn't do anything? M: No. I'm keeping it open. If whatever we come up with doesn't work, I want to be able to use mediation. W: So you want to play dirty... M: Dirty? Who's playing dirty? .... W: And you call yourself a Christian. You're the one taking me to court. [Paraphrase] W; The Christian man who looks at the things you do. [Pause] M: Do you think I like any of this? I ha...(stopped myself from saying "hate" in front of our son) don't like doing this. W: That's why I'm willing to do this outside of court. [Pause] So you're picking and choosing which Christian things to do. It's wrong to take me to court, you know. (This back and forth goes on for another 15 secs) M: Doing this outside of court? Y'know, we're still using lawyers to write up the stipulation right?
(And I closed the car door and walked away)
So my questions & feelings about this:
a. What the heck was she doing? Taking jabs? Or (based on DB/DR) testing me? Changing tactics?
b. And why does she keep doing it in front our son?
c. I feel somewhat gutted right now, but not because of the topic or the words my wife used. It's because I walked away from the conversation. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I felt that I needed to stop the conversation. However, I also feel that I didn't do so properly - I did not end on a strong, affirmative note, and more so, it bears resemblance to my old self where I'd walk away from things out of fear/disinterest. I couldn't help but imagine for a second what my wife was telling herself as I walked away from the car ("Yup, I made the right decision."
She's still taking potshots at you. Funny how she thinks that's actually going to let her get what she wants.
Again, stop letting her talk to you like that. When she starts getting in to you, look at her DEAD in the eye and then tell her that her continually trying to talk to you like that really doesn't help her case and walk away. Show her you mean business and that you aren't going to be f'd with. Kind of like the Clint Eastwood stare. When she dug into the thing about your religion, just verbally 'tsk tsk' her and walk away with your head held high.
That was a low blow when she started taunting you about your religion.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Sounds just like my XW during the D process. They're (we both are) under extreme duress the whole time, wondering what the "other side" is thinking, planning, intending.
I coigned a term for XW during the heat of the sitch: VSV = venom spitting viper.
We are not our true selves under duress - remember that.
Things will calm down eventually, maybe not immediatley after settlement, but soon thereafter.
Good Luck Pic
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
She's still taking potshots at you. Funny how she thinks that's actually going to let her get what she wants.
Again, stop letting her talk to you like that. When she starts getting in to you, look at her DEAD in the eye and then tell her that her continually trying to talk to you like that really doesn't help her case and walk away. Show her you mean business and that you aren't going to be f'd with. Kind of like the Clint Eastwood stare. When she dug into the thing about your religion, just verbally 'tsk tsk' her and walk away with your head held high.
That was a low blow when she started taunting you about your religion.
It's no wonder I'm the worst "come-back" guy on the planet. Responding wisely and quickly to things is still not my forte. I've nailed down the "talking calmly" part, but my mind, for some reason, isn't a snappy talker.
