There was a time when I was pondering being a WAW. I resisted believing that a seemingly toxic R could become positive and also had an emotional "cringing" reaction in me. I believe this was caused by 1) an unresolved issue from our past in which H hurt me deeply, emotionally, and 2) believing that I was right, he was wrong, I had a scorecard and he was way, way down in "points and if only HE would change then I would feel better because not only was I RIGHT but I WON because H changed.
I had it all wrong and here I am a LBS. All of the questions you asked in your most recent post I had asked of myself at the time a few years ago. It was only after I figured out what was the TRUE cause of my emotional distress (career issue unrelated to H) and when my IC drilled into my head, repeatedly, that *I* was the one that needed to GIVE a little, try some change, cut H some slack, etc., that I was able to look at our M differently. And over time, I felt differently because I was looking at our R differently. And I felt better as a person. I still feel better because I am able to be more giving and understanding not just in my M but with all of my other Rs.
Everyone here is trying to help you come to this understanding, faster than some of the rest of us were able to. It is very brave of you to come here now, before your M is over, but you will have to look deep inside yourself beyond these surface feelings to examine what about you would need to change about yourself for a better R. It is, as others have said, simple, but not easy. If you continue to characterize your H as deadweight, you will only be able to think of him as an anchor that is causing you to drown.
To paraphrase zig above and others on this board (usually 25yearsMLC, I believe): Do you want to be RIGHT or do you want to be HAPPY/M.
