In-Home Separation, One Year Point

[adinva]

Just in case I sound like I have it together, I thought I'd journal the part of my weekend I'm not so proud of.

Sunday morning H tried to arrange go karts with me via text, but I didn't get it. When I got home I researched the place and found that the kids aren't old enough to do it (this place is only for people with a drivers license or kids who've done their 2-day $300 training class). I thought it was nice that H was trying to do something fun so I suggested that since they were already out at the pool with their friends maybe we could do a dinner-time thing. Turns out H really was just interested in entertaining his friend's S15. I suggested shooting and he liked that idea and took friend, friend's 24yo gf, and the s15 out shooting. I worked in the garden and S12 came home with a friend from the pool to play inside for a while, and S14 called me for a pickup from the pool with his friends. I went out to buy popsicles and when I got home there were two other cars in the driveway - my parents whom I'd invited over for a cookout for dinner and H's friend's car. So I came in and said hello to my parents and friend's S15 who was in the kitchen with S14 and his friends.

I'm sitting in the living room looking at photos with my parents when H and his friend and the 24yo gf came in from outside, I guess H was giving them a tour. Here's what's important (to me). I did not get up off the floor to hug them, and just said hi and continued talking to my parents. I didn't want to see them and I didn't know what to say to them since they've been harboring my WAH. They were good friends last summer, but now I feel very uncomfortable with them. 24yo gf hovered around and sat with my parents to look at the photos with us, and she complimented my gardens, and I was polite but that's it. I barely saw or talked to H and his friend. I was nicest to the S15 but didn't go hug him either. I feel like I just emotionally retreated from all of them.

I don't know that I want to force myself to be all huggy and bff-ish with these people. I don't really know what goes on at their house or what they say to H. I know if he didn't have their house to crash at for free then he'd have to spend money on a hotel room if he wanted to get out of our house. I feel betrayed by them, and I feel like they're not my friends. But - they're in my house.

Oh well, it wasn't for long, because the three of them left to take S15 to the airport to go to his home in another state, and h told me he wasn't hungry for dinner and disappeared upstairs. I made the hamburgers, brats, and hotdogs, corn and watermelon for my parents and me, S12 and S14 and his friend from the neighborhood. Everything got eaten up. While I was cleaning after everyone was gone, H came looking for an extra hamburger but they were all eaten (ha).

I'm wondering, for you people who've divorced and now have OP in your S's life, how cordial are you? Does time make it easier? I know it's supposed to be good for the kids if you all get along, but I feel like this: If I'm the one who tried and got left I should be allowed to seek happiness with someone else. If H left me and has someone new they are both rats. Do you just DECIDE not to be this way for the greater good? Ugh, it looks hard.