so you know how I'd noticed in me that I get one positive reaction and then I sabotage or smother. I now feel more out of control and uncertain than I did this morning, because we were in NC. And now I've heard from him.

I will concentrate on the positives which is that I handled that interaction well. I didn't bring up feelings/emotions/Relationships. I am not pursuing. He broke the NC to find out about me rather than a housekeeping issue. ERGH but that just brings up expectations so I'll leave that one OUT of the positives.