Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

Rest of weekend went really well. Saturday we went to annual community fair. I spent $100 (sigh). Then girls hung out at home with friends. Sunday was hot and we had several of their friends over swimming. Later, I finally took all of the friends home so it was just the three of us and we headed to local mini putt/go kart business. I had free coupons from the owner.

On the way home from that we started talking about all the fun we're going to have this summer and how this day was one of our best ever. So they started ranking their best days ever. Then, of course, D13 brought up the worst day ever, which they agreed was the day I was kicked out.

I agreed it was the worst day, but we can't do anything about it anymore except enjoy the time we do have together.

Monday. D13 had to march in a parade. Then we headed home. D13 was sun burned from day before so she stayed inside all day doing home work. D9 had two friends come over and we went swimming three times.

Finally, bed time. D9 stayed up a little later than I wanted because she had to fill out invitations to her birthday/swimming party in August.

This is the last week of school. Summer break starts next Monday. My first week off with them is in two weeks. In fact, two weeks from today we'll be hopping in the car for a two day stay in Chicago. I am extremely excited about the trip. We've always done one day trips to Chicago. This time we're staying the night downtown and stretching the fun over two days.

There are lots of things I'm going to get to do now that I unlikely would have been able to do if XW and I stayed together. We rarely traveled because XW spent money faster than we could make it. Now, I control my finances completely. If I want to take $40 each paycheck and put it into another account just for summer, I can. There's no worry I'll have to raid it to pay off XW's debts.

If I want to take them to Florida next year for spring break, I can. Or New York the after or L.A. in five years, I can. There are lots of places I'm going to go and people I'm going to meet. I never would have pursued a Master's degree with XW. She doesn't have a college degree and I was stuck knowing I couldn't get a Master's while she didn't have a bachelors and she was too scared to go back and get the bachelors.

Everything comes back to controlling your mind and emotions until it just fades away. This weekend whenever I'd have thoughts of XW and what she was doing, I'd list her "uns."

She's unintelligent, unaffectionate, unimaginative, unambitious, unappealing, unathletic, undependable, uneducated, unfaithful, unfeeling, unforgiving ... there are lots of them.

Right now, I have no dating prospects and I'm sure that's part of the funk. I've been working so hard to get to some kind of comfort level. I'm there now and I'm ready to get out there again. I'm hoping the college experience gets me in front of a new crowd. I've kind of cycled through my existing one.

Really, I'm doing well at the things I can control. I'm still struggling with letting go of the things I can't control.