am i better off without him?

[JustStunned]

SS, I apologize I have not followed along. I will toss in my 2 cents for what it is worth. Keep in mind I am divorced.

I was nice until I could not be anymore. The nicer I was the nastier XW became. In retrospect I think she was trying to provoke a fight. I think she was still attempting to justify her actions. I stopped being nice. I became neutral. I think she perceived this as cold. Not DB and against a coaches advice. It was what I could manage emotionally.

I resolved I would treat her as the neighbor down the road. I resolved she would not get me to break bearing. I began to set boundaries. A couple of those were:

She was not to simply arrive without letting me know in advance she was coming over.
I left home several times on a pretense for the first boundary. “I am busy I have a life”

She was not to use her key to gain entry to the house.
The locks were eventually changed although I do not think she was ever in the house without my knowledge.

To speak to me with at least the same civility she would use speaking to the check out staff at the grocery store
Several times I simply ignored her until she calmed and became civil.

A quote from Lord of the Rings would run through my head while she was spewing.

I did not pass through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm.

and I would stare at a point above and beyond her head.

None of this was easy. None of this was shiny. Having passed through I have experienced relief. I believe I managed the best I could. I believe I acted honorably.