Optimistic...not hopeless! :)

[hopingandpraying]

Thanks, once again, Accuray! I do love hearing your words of advice! They make sense...I just wish it would click with the WAS quicker, or at all!

After all my GAL activities this weekend, now I'm home and feeling sad. I hate this roller coaster ride! At times, I really do want to just drop all of his things off at his new apartment and be like "here you go, it's done!"

Not that it would make me completely detach from him, but then I would in a way know I tried everything. I have been pretty much dark (except for seeing him Saturday for refi papers that was necessary) for 6 1/2 weeks and it has not done anything for our M. It has made me GAL and hang out with more people but at the end of the day, I don't feel that much better, because I still miss him so much!

Maybe dropping off all of his things would be a 180 for me...but then it's pushing him more towards divorce and having NO attachment to me.

I just don't know what to do anymore in terms of our M. I know that there really is nothing that I can do, because I only have control over me, so I do need to focus on myself and making a better me.

I really just wish I could sit down and talk to him as a friend and say "what is really going on in that head of yours? Why do you really think that there is no hope for us? Why are you so willing to throw everything away? What was so bad and what are you looking for in your next marriage/relationship that you couldn't get from us?"

The worst thing about a pending divorce is not learning from the 1st marriage. I have tried really hard to do some soul searching and digging to see how I could have been different, what I could have done...

Not that I am a perfect wife or person, but the only thing I can come up with is to be more open with his family. I was VERY open with them in the beginning of our R, but then they became too involved in our married life. I guess boundaries should have been drawn and a better 'schedule' to see each other's families???

Other than that, I really don't know what I could have done differently. I have even tried to ask friends and family what they think from an outside perspective, but they have not come up with anything. I feel as if I need part of this answer from my H...And he even wrote in a letter that he gave to his psychologist "I have a great wife...near perfect...I just don't have feelings for her anymore."

While married, I set goals for myself, achieved them, and moved onto the next one. I was happy with my life and happy with my H. Yes, this past year was difficult because he broke my trust, but I still tried to be happy and push through it. I had friends outside of our M and hobbies. I visited family when he was at work (worked nights and weekends). I did most of my schoolwork on the nights he worked, so that the days he was home we could hang out (he complained once that I did too much work when he was home.) I did all the cleaning in the house and occasionally helped him with yard work. I took care of all the bills. We went out to dinner and on vacations and hung out with friends and family. We had a good sex life.

I thought we had a balanced life and marriage. I thought what I was giving him was what every H would want. It turns out that it wasn't and that truly does scare me for the future.