Crazytown continues...

[Kimmerz]

Wow...alot more similarities. Xh tried pusing the OW on the kids...big crash and burn with them. Since then the OW stays her distance and doesn't get involved when XH has them over to his house. XH also pushed OW on family members. They weren't receptive to it, but appeared to have no choice but put up with it since he brought her into the family. MIL....doesn't like her and still keep the picture of me and XH up on her bookcase...even on Christmas Day when he took OW over there. LOL!

Im glad to hear that couselors are saying all this happy go lucky behavior is really running strategies. The book Irritable Male Syndrome is excellent in reading about Male Depression. Infact I think I need to read it again. It has a table of the difference in female depression vs male depression and how it's displayed. I will list it here if it can help anyone. It sure helped me understand alot of what is going on. I think what makes us LBS so crazy is that the behavior that our spouses are portraying are opposite of how they really feel. I mean logic tells us that if someone is emotionally dying inside, would they be telling us they hate us, or skipping around like nothing is wrong?

Magnetic Depression (Female)

Blames herself for problems

Feels sad and tearful

Sleeps more than usual

Vulnerable and easily hurt

Tries to be nice

Withdraws when feeling hurt

Often suffers in silence

Feels she was set up to fail

Slowed down and nervous

Maintains control of anger

May have anxiety attacks

Overwhelmed by feelings

Lets others violate boundaries

Feels guilty for what she does

Uncomfortable receiving praise

Accetps weaknesses and doubts

STrong fear of Success

Needs to blend in to feel safe
Uses food, friends, and "love" to
self medicate.

Believes her problems could be solved
if only she could be a better _________
(spouse, co worker, parent, friend)

Wonders, " am I loveable enough?"

Dynamic Depression ( Male)

Blames others for problems

Feels irritable and unforgiving

Has trouble sleeping or staying asleep

Suspicious and Guarded

Overtly or covertly hostile

Attacks when feeling hurt

Overreacts, then often feels sorry later

Feels the world is set up to fail him

REstless and agitated

Loses control of anger

May have sudden attacks of rage

Feelings blunted, often numb

Maintains rigid boundaries; pushes others away

Feels ashamed of who he is

Frustrated if not praied enough

Denies weaknesses and doubts

Strong fear of failure

Needs to be "top dog" to feel safe

Uses alcohol, TV, sports and sex to self medicate

Believes his problems could be solced if only his _____
(spouse, co worker, parent, friend) would treat him better.


Wonders " Am I being loved enough?"

[BeingMe]

Wow! Men become selfish and self-involved, while women do the whole selfless/martyr thing. Interesting. I do see some of the male depression in my H, and the female depression retrospectively in me (quite a long time ago). It tells me how far I have come from that fearful, tearful, scared, and clingy person that I was a few years ago. I do get fearful sometimes, but it's over very quickly. And, tearful is a rare thing when it comes to my R with H ... more when I watch an emotional movie, or something like that.

Thanks for sharing this one, Kim.

[wishing, hoping]

Yes!!!! This is H!!! Although he tells everyone he is fine. He just wants to move on with his life. Whatever. He blames me for all his problems. It's always poor H. Always sacrificing. Everyone is against him. My counselor even talked about the "top dog" syndrome. And then I read that MLC is contagious. Wow! Either H is going through a crisis or else he is just the world's biggest jack@@$$!

[BeingMe]

~snort~ giggle @ "Either H is going through a crisis or else he is just the world's biggest jack@@$$!" LOL

[hrm134]

wishing, hoping~ When you said this...."My counselor says H is running away as well. H tells everyone that he is fine. He doesn't need help. But whenever he is around us at home if he isn't busy talking to OW or mowing the yard he is playing "Cityville" or some other game on the company iPad. Escaping. That's what he does best anymore(so true for my H too!!!)." It really made me think of my H because he spends an awful lot of time watching tv, and when he's not doing that he's doing something shooting related, with the occasional spend time with his family.... which is all fine. Like I said before there are few times I'm not sure where he is, like right now for instance, he's doing God knows what with God knows who, but I'm not in a panic, so progress. When I see him sitting like a lump in front of the tv I found myself thinking two things a lot of the time.... (both in sarcasm) 1. Oh, yeah, I'm holding you back sooo much from the super exciting life you want to have..... 2. No... no, nope, you're not depressed at all, perfectly fine. Oh if all it would take would be for us to take them, shake them and say work on your issues, stop denying you have issues and face them!!! Also, count your blessings, he mows the yard...... I wish H would mow just once, it's getting to be annoying since it's been raining so much every week. Or at the very least if he would just get the weed whacker out......

Kimmerz~I too appreciated your depression list.... It's interesting to see all the symptoms H exhibits.... and the one's I did when I was depressed. It's funny how people think depression is just being that sad little face drooping across the tv screen till he gets medication and becomes the happy face bouncing across the tv screen (ok, old commercial I know).... it's so much more complex than that.....


So I haven't really posted anything in awhile. I made the decision at some point on Friday that this weekend was going to be my MLC free weekend, that's right.... no reading about, no obsessing, talk about it as little as possible, not worry about H reactions, try not to even think about it (yeah right, I know)..... Well I would like to say I did a great job of it, I am quite proud of myself. I didn't read anything all weekend that pertained to MLC or any thing of the sort, I BARELY talked about H/MLC, and I had a wonderful indifferent attitude going about what he may or may not do or say.

Oddly enough, H seemed like the old him a few times this weekend.... he even talked to my friend briefly at one point, because apparently when we were coming in the house we scared him. He jumped and started laughing. We just looked at him, I asked if there was something he would like to share with the group. He said no, we just had scared him, then we all laughed. Then he went scampering downstairs where he watched tv.... must have gotten too real for him there. He's actually talked to my like a normal human being about the air conditioners.... went and bought a new one for the kitchen because we realized the old one is inoperable. He even called me by name a couple of times, he had just been saying hey, not really saying my name unless he had too, and of course none of the old nicknames, but just being called by name is nice (who'd have thought, right?). I just went about my business, and as I was getting ready to go out with a friend last night as I was coming out of "my" room he said, " I wanted to tell you you look really hot tonight. ( I thanked him) I wanted you to know that I noticed (at which point I asked noticed what) ." He said, "I've noticed all the tight shirts you've been wearing, and you look really good. I guess if you got it...." He trailed off, so I finished the thought with, "flaunt it." He said, "yeah..... but anyway I wanted to let you know you look good." I thanked him again and went back out to the kitchen to wait for my friend to pick me up. It was funny cause the whole conversation he had a goofy grin on his face. It's so strange how much he was starting to act like the old him these last few days.

Something I found funny, and you all might too, was I noticed while I was still waiting for my friend to arrive he had opened the one front curtain, which would be the perfect spot to see who was pulling up in front of the house at 9:30pm. He also opened the front door, both are strange for him to do. Even funnier is the friend who was picking me up he has never met, so he doesn't know her car.

Also, earlier in the evening I had laid an old shirt in his doorway for him to use as a rag. He came over and asked me about it. I said I just laid it there, I didn't know where you wanted it, you can have it for a rag. He said, "Are you sure? You really like this shirt..." I said, "yeah." He asked if I was sure again. I told him I was because it's way to big now. He said ok, looked puzzled and walked back into "his" room.

Now this morning he wanted some attention, and then before I left for the gym he asked if I was coming right back after (so he knew if he should let the AC on or not) I said I was. While at the gym I was minding my own business, half way through my cardio workout when I turned my head to see what was on the tv further down guess who was on an elliptical.... yep, H. I can't remember the last time he was in the gym the same time as me..... so that was strange. He hasn't been home since today, but I noticed his toothbrush has migrated back to lying right next to the toothbrush holder LOL (not that it means anything, but it's fun to monitor)..... and his room door is open.

[BeingMe]

Mmmm! Is someone crawling out the hole? Just monitor, and wait patiently, I would think.

I'm glad he noticed your hotness ... definitely, flaunt it if you have it. He might be thinking someone else could have it if he doesn't get his head out of his a$$.

[hrm134]

LOL beingme u are so funny! I doubt I could be lucky enough for him to be buying a ticket to the clue train! Like I said he disappeared for hours today.... Just got home and is already wanting to pay me for groceries..... Seems a bit testy.... Clearly not anything I did since I've been at home mowing the grass..., but whatever it is I'm sure in his mind he is blaming me. Who knows... Letting it up to God.... I'm trying to maintain my mellow. But everyone in Normalville knows how foolish he would be to leave.

[seeking answers]

HRM,

Sounds like someone is a little jealous and trying to check up on you and who you might possibly be with.

A little mystery doesn't hurt...

[wishing, hoping]

Also, count your blessings, he mows the yard...... I wish H would mow just once, it's getting to be annoying since it's been raining so much every week. Or at the very least if he would just get the weed whacker out...

Oh H used to be OBSESSED with the lawn. He had a schedule for it. Now he mows it maybe once a week if that. He used to weed and feed and mow and trim and prune etc. Now he usually pays S to mow so he doesn't have to bother.

And count your blessings that H told you that you looked hot. I would drop from shock if H actually said something nice to me. My hair could be on fire and he wouldn't notice.

[hrm134]

wishing, hoping~ Blessing counted. LOL, I shouldn't laugh, but I did, about the hair being on fire line....I kinda had a mental picture of someone with their hair on fire and MLCing H saying, hmmm.... did you do something with your hair, it looks different.... meanwhile hair on fire person is frantically trying to put it out....at this point that's all there is to do sometimes is laugh....