In one of our last phone conversations before the dark he said " I know you so well, you will never change".
Busting,
My H said this to me too: word-for-word, in fact.
It's so disheartening, isn't it? After what we have been through and the effort we've put in to making real, considered, deep changes to ourselves.
The thought that it's only time - and lots of it - that might enable them to see that we can be different is also hard to deal with. They are so entrenched in their belief that we can only be as we were.
Originally Posted By: bustingout
25- I understand why he would see me as the reason why he is not with his kids. In fact a part of me feels that too. I messed up and forced him away. My kids are not living with him becaus of me.
A part of me can see how that is twisted, but i have felt that. That because of what has happened, because I was not the bestvi could be, in was not therefore the best mother I could be by protecting my kids from a broken family.
I am not fully detached. But I am doing things differently by not contacting him.
This, too, is almost exactly where I'm at. It was a real revelation to me to read 25's comments on your thread.
The more I can try to see things from my H's point of view, the better I am able to act compassionately and with unconditional love towards him. And hopefully, the more I can detach, too. When I get there, I will really have achieved something for myself.
Busting, I found solace in a long series of posts by AliSuddenly. She and her mlc partner reconciled after 18 months, but initially, he was gone, gone, gone. He had long periods of NC as well. She has a list of all her threads on the 1st page of her final thread. Highly recommended.
