Courage? I don't feel very courageous? About the drinks? No I think my fear is he'll bring her but it's a pretty crazy fear. The chances of him doing that are very very slim. I'm certainly not going to let my fear stop me from seeing them.
I read back over my very first thread and I came to a little bit of a conclusion. The pattern that's been happening is that he lets me in to be his friend and I get expectations and do something to scare him. I never hear from him on weekends because he's with her. We had started to build a very nice friendship with him sending me funny texts etc. What did I do? have expectations which led to the bomb being that much harder to take and act rash. I acted rash about him taking an item from the garage and I really acted rash during the bomb.
Regardless of his choices, I'm not doing a very good job of being consistent. He keeps saying he doesn't want to lead me on. So what happens he opens himself up to being my friend and I show him that I'm still in love with him.
I'm taking that off the table which should be pretty easy considering the fact that I think he has things to work on which he isn't doing currently. It's completely out of my hands right now. And I KNOW I do that he probably thinks we just need some space after my outburst. And he's maybe wondering if he can even be friends because of my smothering.
So I've recognized a pattern and a cheeseless tunnel.
I've had a great day. I am smiling more. I'm coming out of this withdrawal I was in. I just feel like I'm living more in my surroundings.
