wishing, hoping~ When you said this...."My counselor says H is running away as well. H tells everyone that he is fine. He doesn't need help. But whenever he is around us at home if he isn't busy talking to OW or mowing the yard he is playing "Cityville" or some other game on the company iPad. Escaping. That's what he does best anymore(so true for my H too!!!)." It really made me think of my H because he spends an awful lot of time watching tv, and when he's not doing that he's doing something shooting related, with the occasional spend time with his family.... which is all fine. Like I said before there are few times I'm not sure where he is, like right now for instance, he's doing God knows what with God knows who, but I'm not in a panic, so progress. smile When I see him sitting like a lump in front of the tv I found myself thinking two things a lot of the time.... (both in sarcasm) 1. Oh, yeah, I'm holding you back sooo much from the super exciting life you want to have..... 2. No... no, nope, you're not depressed at all, perfectly fine. Oh if all it would take would be for us to take them, shake them and say work on your issues, stop denying you have issues and face them!!! Also, count your blessings, he mows the yard...... I wish H would mow just once, it's getting to be annoying since it's been raining so much every week. Or at the very least if he would just get the weed whacker out......

Kimmerz~I too appreciated your depression list.... It's interesting to see all the symptoms H exhibits.... and the one's I did when I was depressed. It's funny how people think depression is just being that sad little face drooping across the tv screen till he gets medication and becomes the happy face bouncing across the tv screen (ok, old commercial I know).... it's so much more complex than that.....


So I haven't really posted anything in awhile. I made the decision at some point on Friday that this weekend was going to be my MLC free weekend, that's right.... no reading about, no obsessing, talk about it as little as possible, not worry about H reactions, try not to even think about it (yeah right, I know)..... Well I would like to say I did a great job of it, I am quite proud of myself. I didn't read anything all weekend that pertained to MLC or any thing of the sort, I BARELY talked about H/MLC, and I had a wonderful indifferent attitude going about what he may or may not do or say.

Oddly enough, H seemed like the old him a few times this weekend.... he even talked to my friend briefly at one point, because apparently when we were coming in the house we scared him. He jumped and started laughing. We just looked at him, I asked if there was something he would like to share with the group. He said no, we just had scared him, then we all laughed. Then he went scampering downstairs where he watched tv.... must have gotten too real for him there. He's actually talked to my like a normal human being about the air conditioners.... went and bought a new one for the kitchen because we realized the old one is inoperable. He even called me by name a couple of times, he had just been saying hey, not really saying my name unless he had too, and of course none of the old nicknames, but just being called by name is nice (who'd have thought, right?). I just went about my business, and as I was getting ready to go out with a friend last night as I was coming out of "my" room he said, " I wanted to tell you you look really hot tonight. ( I thanked him) I wanted you to know that I noticed (at which point I asked noticed what) ." He said, "I've noticed all the tight shirts you've been wearing, and you look really good. I guess if you got it...." He trailed off, so I finished the thought with, "flaunt it." He said, "yeah..... but anyway I wanted to let you know you look good." I thanked him again and went back out to the kitchen to wait for my friend to pick me up. It was funny cause the whole conversation he had a goofy grin on his face. It's so strange how much he was starting to act like the old him these last few days.

Something I found funny, and you all might too, was I noticed while I was still waiting for my friend to arrive he had opened the one front curtain, which would be the perfect spot to see who was pulling up in front of the house at 9:30pm. He also opened the front door, both are strange for him to do. Even funnier is the friend who was picking me up he has never met, so he doesn't know her car.

Also, earlier in the evening I had laid an old shirt in his doorway for him to use as a rag. He came over and asked me about it. I said I just laid it there, I didn't know where you wanted it, you can have it for a rag. He said, "Are you sure? You really like this shirt..." I said, "yeah." He asked if I was sure again. I told him I was because it's way to big now. He said ok, looked puzzled and walked back into "his" room.

Now this morning he wanted some attention, and then before I left for the gym he asked if I was coming right back after (so he knew if he should let the AC on or not) I said I was. While at the gym I was minding my own business, half way through my cardio workout when I turned my head to see what was on the tv further down guess who was on an elliptical.... yep, H. I can't remember the last time he was in the gym the same time as me..... so that was strange. He hasn't been home since today, but I noticed his toothbrush has migrated back to lying right next to the toothbrush holder LOL (not that it means anything, but it's fun to monitor)..... and his room door is open.