New to DB

[bustingout]

Advina and NLW thank you-- again I feel so much comfort and relief on this post.

NLW-i feel for you too. You know in a funny ( not haha ) way, the commonalities between all of these threads is both comforting and frustrating! Frustrating because it makes me want to just say to my H " see! We are not abnormal! We are normal! This can work! We are not alone and what you/ us are experiencing is not hopeless!"

But then again, they can't see that. Not now. Maybe one day.

I have been reading a lot about MLC on this forum and in the DB book and I really wonder if that's what is happening with H. Maybe there is a depression at the core of this.

Not that that would absolve me of my own role in the M or change the techniques we are trying to use. I want to get better goo. I want to be the woman mother and wife I know I can be. It's the reality of the situation that puts obstacles in my way. But it is mind over matter now.

25- I get what you are saying very much. And I can see how it would be easier in person.

And how I have to do something very very different now. In that sense I have by not contacting him at all. NOT AT ALL. And it has done a lot for my self esteem and my dignity.

I reject a spouse that would do this to me.

But being in the dark this long, with H ALSO not contacting me or the kids freaks me out!

Because I know he is with OW.

And I fear another bomb.

But as I said in my last post I asked him to leave me alone for now. And so I guess he is ( he is like a natural born DBer or something). I just didn't think hen would leave us ALL alone.

In one of our last phone conversations before the dark he said " I know you so well, you will never change".

I will change. I am chaging. For me. And for my kids. And for my family.

I want to say that I feel yet able to offer advice as I find myselfnin a mess from e decisions I have made thus far. But my heart is with you all.

Busting out x