Part of us makes changes, detaches, GAL, act as if all of those things for ourselves. To rebuild our mental and emotional stability and heal from the pain of the breakup. The other part of us does this for one reason to get him/her back, to have the marriage restored. Sometimes in our head we are doing it for us, but really in our hearts we are doing it for them.
We feel that if we throw in the towel then we are saving ourselves that fear of rejection. That one day down the road he/she is never coming back.
I don't really know how to phrase it but I know exactly what you're going through. I love him, I don't like what he's doing right now. I'm sad about our M, I don't think our M would work as we are right now. I want to make myself better, I don't think he does. I want to have a M and have kids that may not be with him. So all I can do is handle the first parts of those sentences. Try to make myself a better partner all the way around.
I've found that deep inside of me it is easier to change to get the approval and validation of someone else than to do it simply because I want to be a better person. That's really not healthy. And so I have to constantly remind myself that I am worth it. I am worth love, healing and acceptance regardless of the outcome of the M.
Not being able to control the outcome is an uncomfortable feeling and by "moving on" you're controlling it.
