Wife wants out ASAP. Urgent help needed

[adinva]

That's good stuff. What I see as a general theme, and may be wrong, is that there is little meeting of the minds between you two. Either you're tolerating her or she's martyring to you, until one of you speaks resentment and the other accommodates.

What if you had had conversations about what it's like being a new parent, how much both of you needed time off and time on, and how you could come to an agreement on what was reasonable to meet your needs? Then golf wouldn't have come with guilt, it would have been a reasonable, justified, and agreed up way to fill you up so you had steam to go on the rest of the week with your kids.

What if the workout thing was not about you tolerating their silly sport but you realizing that this is important to her and she's entitled to her opinion about it. I didn't see anything that suggested you let on what you think, so I'm not slamming you, just again grasping at straws to help you see that you're two independent beings and each of your realities are completely legitimate, and different. I think it's possible to not be into bodybuilding but be so proud of her accomplishments and dedication to the sport. It really sounds like you've tried that.

The fact that she hid something from you shows extreme dysfunction. She applied a response from you that you may not have given, and she tried to avoid it. Again it's like two completely different realities trying to function around and in spite of the other, not in conjunction and cooperation with the other.

Another layer of this that complicates things is she may be having an affair, physical or emotional - PA/EA - with someone in the sport, or she may be addicted to the good feelings of being in the sport and having people appreciate your workout routine and your body. That's why GAL and working on yourself are so important. She may already be gone. You can't control or fix her - you can only control or fix you.

Have you talked with her? Have you apologized for having seemed unsupportive and told her you want to be? Have you told her you are concerned because the kids need her and how you two can work the sport into the parenting responsibilities better? Have you been to or considered counseling or a marriage workshop? Have you told her how much you want to save your marriage and make it better? DB says not to initiate relationship talks but in my opinion at least at some point she needs to know you're willing to work on making it better.