I always like your insight GB because I do think you really get my sitch. I read yours and I think me and your W did have some of the same issues.

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I guess what I'm trying to say is that unless he manages to change himself you just won't last with him. One of the keys to successfully DBing is working on yourself so as to not make the same relationship mistakes. As an LBS not only is he not working on himself, but making the same mistakes with another woman.


I agree with this A LOT. The self sabotage part of me often thinks in particular he's not changing, he's doing the same things with someone else...screw it....go do your thing. But that's counteractive to what I REALLY want which is to NOT be the person that I was in the M. And I have to fix that first.

Caution the following is mind reading and I know I shouldn't be doing it: I believe that he feels like all this is temporary. Me not dating, me saying that we can fix this, me saying that I have feelings. And he puts away his guilt or hurt about the sitch by saying that this is my phase of crying all the time, he already went through it (he has actually said this) and I'll move on too and it will be fine. He said early on during my Change of Heart that I wasn't myself right now. That Brit is confident and happy and self assured and independent and that I just needed to calm down and then we could "see where we were at" Maybe we could date, blah, blah, blah. He told me he loved that girl.

I also feel like anything he thinks or feels about us can easily be shoved aside because it comes with PROBLEMS and GF at the moment has none.

I honestly think he's going to come back until when he sees that he's missing out. When I no longer represent all the problems and hurt, but when he thinks I'm being an idiot by letting her get away.

/MINDREADING

I'm seeing that it's easy to detach when you're angry. It's easy to not be hurt if you tell yourself that maybe you don't want them back. (Which isn't even true.) Can you love someone when you don't agree with their actions? Can you love someone and let them make choices even when those choices hurt you? And can you do THAT while keeping enough detachment to not take it personally, not see it as a rejection, and not be a victim.

Today I had to go somewhere literally across the street from his place of work. Normally I would have said hi or at least texted and said that I was going to be there. But since Mr Bond used that word "smothering" I'm now seeing that sometimes we can put a WHOLE LOT of pursuing and manipulation under the heading of being friendly and polite. So I did and said nothing. It was very strange knowing I was that close to him and not mentioning it. But my new mantra is space and distance.