My Story So Far. Is this even worth saving?

[timbits]

Roller coaster again. I made a huge mistake. HUGE.

I read H's email. He had a draft saved to his best friend who lives away. In it, he was saying how in love he was with OW, how he was gearing up to leave me, how they hadn't had sex, but that they were planning on having kids, how he was happier with her than he ever thought possible. He said that he struggles with going to readings so much because he thinks maybe she'll show up and say she wants him back.

I'm such an idiot. I kind of knew this. I don't know why it's upsetting me so much, but it's like it was proof, in black and white. And what kills me, is, if I walk out the front door, I'M THE BAD GUY here, not him. I haven't told anyone that he cheated on me, and I'm not sure I can, even if I leave. But I was the one to support him, to help him through all of his bullsh!t and now I'd be leaving him vulnerable.

I'm angry and sad and hurt. His friend said that he forced me, a square peg, into a round hole, that he knew that it wasn't right, but H was trying to force me into being something I'm not.

I'm sick of this. I'm good enough. I'm more than good enough. God, I've done everything for this man, EVERYTHING. And this is how he repays me?

I think about our wedding day less than 3 years ago, how we were so happy, how H cried when we were saying our vows, how he loved me so much. And less than 3 years later, this is where we are.

I hate him right now. I love him, but I hate the person that he has become. It feels like my husband died and has been replaced by a selfish, stupid @sshole.

Good thing I have an IC appointment today.