CV, I've been doing some thinking about your sitch over the weekend.
One of the hardest things for an LBS is to empathize with the WAS.
Why would the WAS want to leave? What needs were not being met? How were we not listening to the WAS? How were our actions interpreted in a negative way by the WAS and what can we do to change that...?
One of the reasons why I feel you are not ready yet, is because it feels like you are still not ready to empathize with your LBS.
I'm not putting blame on you nor holding your H harmless. He has issues that he will need to work on.
Again, I suppose you have, but please read the more recent posts by Brit on her thread. Notice the introspection she is doing and how she is empathizing with her LBS. It's not that he's harmless, just that she is understanding that he has his reasons for not engaging her in a way that she needed.
He gave up... just like I suspect many LBSs give up... it's a crazy game... the LBS gives up and shuts down... and the WAS feels less desired or understood or that any manner of needs the WAS has are further being unmet... so the WAS takes that as further proof that the LBS is better left...
You are still seeing the sitch as what YOU can (or should) get...
I understand that...
Again, I think it's difficult for BOTH sides of this horrible coin to understand that BOTH partners are probably disengaged because their needs are not being met... even if the LBS believes that they were blind sided by the bomb...
You may very likely find the words for your response to your H's email... when you take the time to try to empathize and understand what your H is really feeling... and really wanting...
Which is why taking time to respond... GALing and responsibly and respectfully taking on your own life while you work through stuff is important... detaching so that you can think through... possibly understand his position... rather than reacting (often negatively) to anything that you perceive as your H's poor behaviour...
I also appreciate that these type of posts may feel like an attack on you and that's not the intention... it is just a continued reminder that your feelings are valid...
and so are your H's...
and if you think your H is being hurtful or harmful to the M...
it could just be that you see it that way... because maybe he just doesn't trust re-engaging you in a way that you need... because he's just given up...
