Stand up. Poor and tired, but more than this.

[LIO]

Yeah sometimes over email, the phone, and in person usually.
I'm dealing with an alien at the moment though!

He just left without saying a word tonight, like I don't matter - meh. Doesn't bother me as much as he thinks it does I matter more than anything he knows, and as long as I remember that, then I'm good!

I just got back from my trip to the SW and I am so determined to move. Blue skies... traded for grey here. depressing. I felt it right away on my return. I came home and 1) the email I received from H was sending tension in my back (I could literally feel it). He said in response to my request for no opposite sex and for him to come over and visit son "fine, but you need to go to the courthouse and sign the documents". Yeah.... not likely. Get me served! I'm not wasting my time!
2) the weather here [censored]. How can I go from 80+ sunny days to grey, cloudy and 50 degrees? I can't. I'm more determined to move. H can come if he wants, or not. I just need to wait until July if I ever get served to know if I can pull it off with full custody or not. My inlaws want me to move down there with grandson (son). I'm also inclined to do so. I would love H to go, but not counting on it.

I can't be held hostage here forever. Funnily enough, H is affected by the weather but has no clue. Whatever. He can blame it all on me! It's depression. I hate he can't see it. Who knows if he called a counselor - but my plan is still to move by October. I'm excited by that - the change of local, the change of jobs. The new start I need (and ironically H is doing).

I arrived back to my house and I was very proud of the progress I've made to get it sellable in 3 days. One more to go. I just need to keep working, and with S back in the house, my encounters with H are going to be more frequent. I try not to pester him or get in his way though. He is very odd about me 'hovering' but also wants my help. So whatever.

Things I'm doing differently:
stop caring about what he thinks.
That's enough. I don't need his stress although son (5) already figured out to try to say "well, I'll just live at dad's". Sadly I know that H couldn't handle that. And I know that H is avoiding real responsibility right now. So I'm just going to be the best mommy a kid could want, and H can come along, or go down his path - his choice... just as mine is... no matter how much he tries to keep me hostage by location.

I need to work on my temper. I hate he stonewalls me. I need to walk away instead of carrying on. Resources? Anyone?