The only advice I have for you is to not BE the man they have you made out to be. One of my favorite quotes is, "Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing." If you live your life 100% transparent, then anything they throw at you that's not true will bounce right off. But you'll also have to accept that her beliefs are her reality. So if she says you're X (overweight, for example) and you think you're not, reality doesn't matter. If you're trying to get to HER, you need to meet her where she's at.
Sorry, read your sitch. You've got a lot going on. You may have to let her finalize the D and let her live the life she's chosen, and then hope she'll miss what she had, if you're willing to take her back. Some aren't. And some don't come back.
