So, been away for the weekend visiting H's family. H was very grateful for my pleasant attitude and charming behavior with his family (he said so.) On the way home, I tried asking him about his sitch with his oldest daughter (long story, they really aren't speaking.) I was on the positive side, trying to encourage him to re-engage. He was very resistant to speaking to me about it (long silences, vague answers.) At one point, tied me into being the reason he doesn't speak to her, but his responses were never consistent and long between question and answer, so it was really quite confusing to me.
I mentioned that it was obvious to me that he wasn't invested in the convo, was resistant to engaging with me (he agreed.) I said that I had really been trying to come up with an answer to his email from last week, and that my only answer is that we needed to get to know each other better, to share in a more intimate way, and that it was obvious that he wasn't on board with that. He explained that he was and that he had shared in an intimate way, when he discussed his job change considerations (ie the benefits/disadvantages of one job over the other.) I said that I had a very different need for intimacy than he was describing, and perhaps that was the crux of our problems. Also, that it was really the only answer I could come up with on how to improve our R, that perhaps he needed to come up with an idea instead.
Am I off on my perception of what an intimate relationship looks like between M'd couples? This sitch with his daughter has been going on for about 5 years, and he blames me somehow. As I'm trying to respond by butting out, he's telling me I need to be engaged, and closing me off at the same time.
