Brit, Heartbroken What you guys describe is every bit what was going on in my relationship. The two books that helped me the most were no more mr nice guy, and the married man sex life primer.
A W wants a man she can respect, who stands up to her. She also doesn't want to fight 24/7. I can relate because my W too was controlling, and when things didn't go her way she was a runner. Here's what I had to do.
1. When you make a decision stick to it!! Take charge make the call, listen to your W and if she brings a good logical point change it, if it's just a matter of opinion stick to your original decision.
2. If she runs do not chase. Let her run and cool off on her own, and when she comes back talk calmly to her, and don't budge off your position. (unless she is absolutely right.
3. Make sure she understands what behaviors you will and will not tolerate and enforce them. See #4
4. Practice tit for tat. If she's nice be nice, if she's been insufferable create some distance and let her know that you refuse to interact with her until she can do it in a civil mannner.
A good example is how we used to drive endlessly with her unable to make up her mind, yet rejecting every suggestion I had. In this situation just pick something, and tell her "it's what YOU want". She may get upset in the short term, but will love it in the long term.
