In-Home Separation, One Year Point

[adinva]

A couple of 180s this weekend.

First, I told a friend from my neighborhood about my sitch. I invited her to walk with me to get a cup of coffee, and in the course of conversation I mentioned that we were probably getting a divorce - I explained where we were at and how I was trying to do what I could to make things better. She's the first neighbor I've told at all, and the first new person I've told in a very long time.

She surprised me by saying she was in a similar boat. Her h has threatened to get an apartment many times over the years. He is a pain in the neck and I'd hate to be married to him, but my friend was very grounded and spoke of boundaries and not letting his spew get to her. Since her H is very passive, he hasn't taken any steps toward D yet. So she really understood my sitch and the way I was approaching it. I was able to handle my emotions throughout, and was glad I could share this with a friend and not get overwhelmed by my feelings.

Also, I opted out of a family activity. H told me he was taking S14 over to his friend's house to watch lacrosse on the big tv since the friend's S15 is in town. Ordinarily we'd all go hang out there, so I asked if h meant that S12 and I were not invited. H said we could all go. I recalled how uncomfortable I was last time, with the friend and his 24 yo gf in her Hello Kitty socks cuddled up in one chair (the friend has a movie theater style room with 6 reclining chairs), H in his own, and me trying to force S12 to let me share his since it was that or the floor. I felt unwelcome, unwanted, and really awkward because in the past H would have shared a chair with me, or S12 would have wanted to cuddle with me. I just realized I didn't want to go, and I had other things I'd rather do, so I told H I'd stay home. I was glad - especially now that the friend and his gf are providing a comfortable landing place for H to avoid coming home overnight, I don't really feel like socializing with them as if everything is fine.