This might be last chance??

[adinva]

So what i am hearing you say is that if someone is asking for a D, then give it to them without fighting for your M because it is what they want. If not, you are controlling them about making decisions.

I think it would be very good for you to learn about boundaries. This statement shows you handle the natural differences between between as a tug of war. Either she wins or you win. You are not fighting *her* for your marriage - how can you win?

Your fight is against what can make you repellent, against your anger, against your bitterness and resentment.

If you follow the 37 rules and work to become better equipped to navigate relationships, you may be able to rebuild with your W, but you definitely will be a happier person and better able to have healthy relationships.

If you continue railing against what she's done, you will solidify her decision and you won't have learned from this experience.

If she wants a D and you don't, about the most you can do is delay things, and start becoming someone who would be different to be married to, and better, than you were before.

My H asked for a D about a year ago. I don't want it, I think it's wrong for many reasons, and I will not help him get it. I'm just working on me, waiting, and being someone who would be much better to be married to than I was. I feel similarly cheated and wronged, and angry, but I try to push those feelings aside and deal with reality in an honorable and dignified way.

If my H changes his mind about D, it will be because I've been awesome and patient and loving this past year, not because I fought him on it and told him how wrong he was.