Got overwhelmed by a feeling that i was really on the verge of madness today.
H has been here (Sunday afternoon) helping the kids with homework. I made myself scarce after giving him a cup of tea and chatting briefly - as I would to any visiting acquaintance.
As I worked in the back of the house i could hear the kids and H laughing gleefully and having a great time. We had a great conversation ourselves and everything seemed so nice.
Then, after he'd left, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
He's gone, my loving husband and the father of our kids has deserted us - and he's not coming back...
And i still can't get my he'd around it and i think I might be on the verge of madness trying to deal with this situation in which there seems to be no explanation for why he is doing this.
It still seems so incongruous. It's just not him, not my H.
Everything seems so good, so normal and yet... he is gone.
I'm afraid I'll lose my mind. I can't seem to snap out of this denial. I don't think it's just a matter of detaching - i have been getting more and more successful at detaching emotionally from the hurtful things he's done.
The feeling of disbelief/denial is different. I just can't really grasp that this is actually happening to me. I think I might go on forever thinking that it's just a matter of time before he comes back to us.
