Wow Adinva, a little hard to not feel attacked especially as you are basing comments on my choice of grammar in posts I made when frustrated and angry at my W there but I will endeavour to respond to your queries and as say this may give moe insight into myself. It is hard however to see ones failings.
Since she dropped the bomb all I have been is a father to herkids and provider of money. Since the kids came along it is easy to see that we have not invested evough time in our relationship, something I mentioned when all this started so I tried all the usual romantic things plus just set aside time to be together but she was already checked out by then. I know that I like to be in control of situations and it is something I have been trying to work on. She tells people she has to ask for permission to do things but that is untrue all I ask is an adult conversation before she goes and does things that affect the whole family, such as 3 nights away at her sisters (she has done this 3 times now). I used to question her when she would spend money without need and she hated that but as our finances are quite tight I felt nervous about frivolent spending. To counter this we decided tha she would have a crtain amount of money each week that she could spend on anything she desired, my idea. I am a jealous person, I never used to like her having nights out at the start of our life togther but I have worked hard at that and amhappy for her to go have fun. This combination is what has got me into the strife Iam in, I believe.
When our first child came along I feel I did not offer as much support as I should have, my father worked long hours and so I never saw him and so I had littel idea what to do as a Dad. It took several months for me to see she was struggling but since then I have pitched in as much as I can as a full time shift worker and I try to let her sleep late at least once a week. To be fair right now I feel I am a better parent than her because she just rants and raves at them and seems angry all thre time.
As for the "let her have more freedom" what I meant was I have put aside my own indivual plans often so she could pursue what she wanted. A choice of grammar does not make some sexist pig who wants my wife chained to the house! How many people would be comfortable with their partner walking out the door as I walk in to go the gym for 2+ HOURS EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, then agian on Saturday morning! This is the only ooportunity we have to spend as a family each day but she chooses the gym. Before you start I want her to go, she enjoys it and it is good for her to get out but I have asked her to go through the day a couple times a week so we can have time together, she refuses. She is home all day everyday and could go whenever. So when I say let I mean I bite my tongue about this and just enjoy being with my kids.
As for love languages I have read up about them and she is none of them, I even asked her which she would prefer and she said none of them and that fits with the rest of our life. I have always in small ways tried all 5 languages without knowing it and I suppose a small sample of each has worked before but obviously not now. She has always had a low libido and it is something we have fought about before, I felt that if I did not beg for it then it would not happen. As you say since the kids the sex has all but dried up and I have tried to talk to her about this in the past but she would get defensive and we would get nowhere. During one of our blow ups recently she said that she faked alot of orgasms in recent times, something I find hard to believe because I always tried my hardest to make sure we both shared in the pleasure. Whilst I am almost certain she was trying to just hurt me it did work a bit and has shaken my confidence in my ability in that area.
It is hard to look back 10 years and see who I was, I believe I am much more mature than I was then.I have always felt like was a reasonably good looking man, a little shy at first but with a well ingrained confidence that came from achieveing at most things I set my mind to. I think I am witty and funny and I make friends easily. My wife does not see this in me when I know that other people do. My coworkers are mostly female and many of them have been very supportive of me through this period (nothing going on, completely innocent) and their comments have kept my confidence from collapsing completely.
