I guess I can be here now 2

[25yearsmlc]

So, May, What do you want?

A lot of people want you to be happy. But you're not feeling happy right now. A lot of people want you to drop it and move on. Are you ready to do that?


who wants her to "drop it and move on"? You are not speaking for me.

ESN, You said people "dismiss" your comments - I never saw that. I also think you do get off topic, discuss books OTHER than the DB/DR books, a lot, and perhaps project a lot of your own situation onto hers, but hey, I could be wrong.

It's not important though, is it? I mean, this is her thread.

Why do you care what we think of your opinion, as long as we are all polite?

And aren't we all, at some level, just trying to help a woman who sounds like she wants very much to be happy?

MAY, yep I think you were spot on when you said you KNOW you are being immature, and other things, when you choose to see something negatively and refuse to let yourself be happy about something.

I think the apathy is a guard for you; it's a form of detachment

and maybe you want to just give all the marital analysis a rest of a brief respite.
Makes sense to me. Just be in the now for awhile...

ESN to your point - I guess I don't believe in letting emotions being your guide.

EMotions are reflections of so many things-not always true or real or accurate.
Including what we ate that week...or how well we slept, or a hundred other random events that may have little to nothing to do with the state of our marriage or people in our lives.

I had post partum depression after the birth of my 2nd child, for about 3 weeks. If it had not been so dramatic and sudden (so much so that I was actually aware of it, cognitively and weirded out, but a little fascinated too)

I might have looked around for a reason to feel sad. Then h would have been an easy target.

MAY - I'm not saying you have PPD, but I am saying that letting emotions be our guide in life can make us victims of our latest hormone swing, dietary change, malnutrition,

or psyche button pushed or past trauma being re-ignited and might not be real or fair to our loved ones...

I'm into cognitive behavioral analysis and behavioral therapy and letting our minds guide our emotions, not the other way around. I want reality to be my guide.

Of course it's NOT going to be all or nothing ESN and I get that. If I FEEL so strongly about something that I cannot rationally explain it, hey-

I have to really look at that emotional response and find out where the heck it came from or it'll boss me around in some way. I do get that.


Why not?

Really, May, this needs to come from you. You are in charge here. These are your choices.

Ask yourself and see what you find - what do you need right now?

How is this situation perfect?

(see, my suspicion is that while most of this feels like circumstances out of your control, there's a reason why you're not stepping into your power and taking control and doing something - why? - what is being in this situation doing for you? we all make choices, conscious or unconscious -)