Wife says it's to far gone

[25yearsmlc]

My Goals:

1. Work on giving her space and time. Detach

this^^ is great. Read up on detachment Shocked. I'll post a little piece on it later here. Take it in...

2. Only talk to her about the kids and let her start any conversation.

yes...and be the first to end the conversations too. Politiely Get off the phone first, have to "go somewhere, things to do, places to see, people to meet", etc

3. In happy mood, tell her Hi and Bye when I see her, even say have a good week, day, night, what ever.

4. Wash the haouse and work on the yard to stay busy.

5. See if the church has support group and try to get more envalved with my church.
6. Call friends to do more things.

Join something. Meet NEW people.
Join A club (a writer's club, or a bowling club, just something YOU like or were always interested in),

do some volunteer work w/a group, audition for a community theater project or play, take up a hobby or take a class for college

but meet NEW people who don't remind you of your situation and
maybe help your career AND OR your attitude (b/c we want you to have a "PMA" which is a Positive Mental Attitude)=GAL

7. Be the best dad I can and make my kids happy and want to see me.

how about just "Be the best dad I can" (and let the rest happen? No forced results or expectations of them or their reactions to you.

This will take more time than you think it should.)

8. Make new friends

^^YES!!!

9. Relaxe more. maybe yoga.
10. Let her make all moves

meaning she must take the initiative? Be ready to REACT appropriately too. and Check yourself on this one. A part of me finds your reactions very passive. Maybe too much so.

Still not clear on how you can be on food stamps if you are working 2+ jobs. You quit one, right? So, Is she not working at all and you are only working one?

How does SHE feel about money and what you earn? How do YOU feel about it?


11. Keep going to counseling by myself.
12. New hobbies
13. Spend more time with other family members

sounds like a great GAL PLAN...keep it up! You may want to give yourself some short term goals. Like "talk to w and be the first one to politely end the conversation, twice..."

OR, calmly discuss a conflict or touchy subject without losing my temper or insulting her.

The more comfortable she feels around you or the more you two can talk without it escalating, the easier it will be to build on it.

You definitely need conflict resolution skills...to show her that things can be better/different between you two.

And be patient. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Make sense?