Last Resort Technique - Can I correct problems?

[2thepoint]

Welcome Lost. I'm sorry you find yourself in this terrible sitch. I'm by no means an expert in any of this but based upon the information you have shared, I will offer you my opinion and perspective.

First, think of the I love you's and the cards that you sent as water under the bridge. There is nothing you can do about it now, so forget about it. If your W brings up the cards, be honest with her and tell her they were sent in a moment of desperation and that you now realize that by sending them you were in fact pushing her away and then drop the subject. Again, water under the bridge.

I sense from your post and the fact that you are here that you wish to save your marriage. This being the case, I would toss out the deadline that you gave your W regarding when you intend to file for D and play things by ear instead. You don't need to verbalize this with your W, just let the deadline slip and watch for signs of movement. Your W needs time and plenty of space. Your separation is allowing you both to figure things out, so why not take advantage of this opportunity to see what it is that can be improved?

During your separation, you should be working on improving yourself and correcting things about your behavior that may have contributed to the demise of your marriage. This is not so much for your W as it is for you and any future relationships you have, be it with your W or someone else.

What complaints has your W made about you? What 180's have you been working on? What 180's should you be working on? You really need to understand what behaviors contributed to your marriage problems.

It is important to know that there are no guarantees that you will reconcile with your W. Focus on yourself and your kids right now. Get yourself a life independent of your W. It is your absolute best chance you have. Stop all pursuit. If you are in fact in the LRT, then keep contact with your W strictly limited to issues relating to the children. The longer you can reduce contact, maintain space, create mystery and improve yourself, the better your chances are to improve the R.

Know that this is going to take a very long time. Many months in fact. Have you got what it takes? Do you have the stamina?

Keep posting and people will support and guide you.

Good luck!