it's a long story - but the gist of it is that inhaler meds stunt growth, and s10 is the size of a 7 yr old.
genetics do play a role in it - both h and are were under average in size as kids. but s is looking crazy small next to his classmates - he's just over 50 lbs while some of his mates are as much as 80.
h's attitude to the situation stems from his own experiences as a child - being horribly teased for being painfully small and for stuttering. i think he desperately wants s to grow and in his mind thinks that taking him off the meds will let that happen.
just like for everyone else -there are loads of details - but the issue here of course is who decides how much med s takes.
another thing that muddles the situation is that s's asthma is not the type where he suddenly can't breathe. most of his asthma problems arise in the winter, where something like a simple cold will compromise his lungs terribly and it can take upto 2 weeks to recover.
what we found with the new doc was that if we kept him on the correct dose through the summer when there are no symptoms, then the winter months went much better with fewer bouts. before that we always stopped in the summer (our own decision) foolishly thinking oh he's doing so welll, let's take a break, only to have the winter be a nightmare of non-stop illness.
so that's what is bringing this up now - it's turned warm , s is feeling great and so why not drop the meds?
i'm working through my own feelings here - and yes ces - i'm not saying anything until i've worked through all of this.
one of the things that comes up for me is that when s got sick in the past - i take care of him - h has to work and it's out of the question that he would miss work to stay home and take care of s.
this may sound selfish, but now i find myself thinking forward to next winter - if we stop the meds now, and s gets more sick in the winter, it will be me taking care of s while h is at work (we had a bit of an argument a couple of months ago, where i pointed out that h could keep s when he's sick instead of bringing him here and he wailed "but I have to work..."
in a way, h doesn't directly deal with the consequences of this long term - he's been comfortable in the knowledge, that because i want so badly to take care of s during these bouts, it can fall on me and he doesn't really have to deal with it
the other issue that has come up for me is great disappointment in h, this morning. so many conversations where we seem to decide something together and he simply does not seem to follow through. i find myself reliving all those disappointments - from 10 yrs - and feeling so sad. in the past that emotion just got hidden with defensiveness, irritation and anger. and now i can suddenly see that it was simple disappointment.
i need to work through that for myself. and get through it and let it go, before i can broach this subject with h at all.
so the 48 hr rule may stretch out longer, before i can deal with this.
tangled in this is the long conversation we had yesterday, when he came over and asked to talk about summer plans. i was going to post about it, but this med stuff came up. for the first time we talked together, making plans and ideas for what s could be doing this summer and i saw it as a HUGE baby step. now, i find myself wondering - is it just talk again and no follow through on his part? that would be disappointing again.
i look forward to being proven wrong on that score. right now, i'm just going to focus on the positive aspect that hey - we actually HAD that conversation and not worry about what happens next.
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
