am i better off without him?

[scaredsilly]

"I think we all wonder that. But you have to ask yourself when you have those feelings what are you afraid of?"

i'm afraid i'm wasting time. i'm 62.

i'm afraid that if after all the time we've spent going through this, we may still end up divorced and i would have been more "healed" had i just let it happen or made it happen.

i'm afraid that should we R, his priorities will still be his kids, his family, and his "dreams" over me and mine.

i'm afraid that i will never be able to forgive his family for abandoning me during this.

i'm afraid i will not be able to care for his kids the way he wants and expects me to.

i'm afraid that he's not the man i "angelicized" when the bomb hit and i don't know if i can take his selfishness anymore.

someone on here said the the WAS is really just the one who dropped the bomb first and that the LBS was thinking about it, too. the month prior to him dropping the bomb was the worst of our marriage. big fight, he withdraws and makes me feel abandoned, i buy a condo in my hometown to be near family and friends, etc. while i was in my hometown for a month prior to the bomb, i remember thinking how i was so done with his behavior. i was noticing other men, thinking about another life; a life without him and the stress of his kids.

i don't want to waste time on something that may not happen or if it does, it's not good enough and i'm still unhappy.

i don't have all the time most of the people on here have that are in their 20's, 30's, and 40's. for me, it would be a much easier answer if i were.

thanks for stopping by, brit. you're much wiser than i was at your age.