Turn another page....

[ces67]

LaBug - that lost feeling is still fresh in mind as if knocking to get back if I let it. I'm working not to. I really think the turning point was me initiating some difficult conversations. This was a big 180 for me but I spent a lot of time focusing on other aspects of DB rather than really doing something different from what I had done (which is another big DB concept).

Zig, thanks. I can very much identify with the fear of having hope. Over the past 2 years I've been able to come to terms for the most part that I can have hope even if it is not in my current marriage. That idea is still painful but knowing hope can be fulfilled in many ways has helped with my frame of mind. Gratitude and hope feel much better than worry and despair. That seems so obvious but its so amazingly difficult to make that mental shift in the midst of all this. But it is doable. For me, a faith in God is the anchor that has helped me make that transition along with friends who have supported me (including here).

AT - I'm very glad to be spending Father's day with my kids and also with my own dad. My mom's still dealing with her chemo treatments. She's doing well but the chemo is having more of an impact on her energy now. The doc says that's normal though and will get better.

This journey is far from over and in the back of my mind, I know the roller coaster can twist at any moment. And when it does, it will impact me because I'm human. But I also know I can handle the ride. We are a good bit more comfortable around each other and that's a good start. But we still have to deal with the issues that got us here. W has not given her full agreement to return to counseling and with summer here, I very much doubt that can even start until August.

Another challenge we will face is the fact that we have different value systems now where that once was not true. Not sure how this will be resolved. These are some very core beliefs and so far, my views (which use to be hers) have been given little to no respect. That's going to be hard for me because it impacts how we raise our kids. But all things are possible.

Good things are happening. I'm allowing myself to acknowledge this and smile. Still lots of work to do.