this rocky path WILL smooth out

[zig]

am proud of myself - a new 180 for myself tonight. found out from s (his 1st night back) that h has once again arbitrarily changed s's inhaler dose for his asthma - in spite of 2 very specific conversations in the last 2 weeks that i had with him where i thought it was clear that we would talk to each other before he changed it on his own. (he had done the same the last time s was there and i pointed out that it was half the dose and he agreed to do the whole dose. then last week he tried to talk me into taking s off the meds entirely and i said i simply wasn't comfortable with that and we should look into something else before we do that - he agreed)

i had to really keep my cool in front of s - went out for a smoke and talked myself down to a calmer place. i decided for once to give myself the 48 hr. rule before i talk to h about it. this issue, is of course extremely sensitive because it concerns s's health and decisions about it - which is what h fought me about the MOST for 10 yrs.

i'm not choosing the dose - the asthma specialist is - but h doesn't want to agree with it and wants s off the medicine cold turkey. if it wasn't s's life - i swear i'd let him test his theory - but i don't dare. i've spent way too many sleepless nights watching that child breathe to even risk it.

s is doing the best he has with his asthma ever since we switched to this specialist and followed his advice and h agreed when i pointed it out to him last week.

i've got to the point where i don't really give a hick what he's doing or what his state of mind is and how hard it is for him to remember things etc - but this is sons' health and i need to find the calmest, most appropriate way to get h and i on the same page. i'd like to see s without all this medicine too, but not just because we feel like it.

i see how things haven't changed so much for him - it's the same issue we always had - in the conversation, he agrees with me - at the doctor's he agrees with the doctor, but afterwards he says he didn't agree at all and wants to do it differently.

this is not part of his crisis, this is the part of his personality that makes it very difficult for him to say how he feels about stuff.

so my 180 is not to call him while i'm a bit agitated about this, and to wait until i have perspective and have completely and utterly calmed down. the old me would have been on the phone pronto confronting big time.

now it's the tactful gentle moves i'm developing and learning here (grin!!)

anyone dealt with kids and meds and WAS's not administering them correctly? how have you dealt with it - how have you solved it?

i don't want to make a big deal about this, because it has always BEEN a big deal, now i want to "do something different" to make this into a non-issue

and if anyone thinks that i am overreacting here, please tell me - i know i'm sensitive about s's asthma

thanks
zig