Hoping my marriage can be saved :(

[Maggie3]

Mr Bond- I hadn't really thought of the independence thing with him cutting the lawn. I guess I thought him coming back to our house, seeing our pets, etc would be a way of keeping him as "part" of my life. But what you say makes sense...he needs to see what his life will REALLY be like if we divorce- which means not getting to see our pets, which I think is the reason he still comes by.

I struggle with feeling like it would be a relief for him not to have to do yard work and it kind of kills me to make his life even EASIER after he's walked away. Pre-bomb he had pretty much shut down. I was doing everything around the house, and keeping score, resenting him, etc.

I've always been pretty independent, yet one thing he said during one of our many talks was that I had become too dependent on him (yet he also said I was too independent). I guess I could learn to cut the lawn. We have a ride on and the one time I tried it was a big lurching mess...but maybe my dad can teach me how to work it. I drive standard so how different can it be?

In terms of our pets- they are cats and totally self sufficient. It is more me babying them and wanting to keep him in the loop by having him come petsit. I fear that if I don't have him come help with the house I will never see him again, except at a L's office. He really seems to have no interest. I just don't get it

My friend emailed me saying that she had talked to her parents about our situation. She had gone through something similar with her H but they are still together. She said her dad said all these great things about how I am amazing and deserve someone who can handle me and let me be myself. I thought I had that in my H, which was why I loved him so much. He was always so supportive and he seemed like he really got me (his favorite thing to do was "Maggie stream of conscious" in the car- and he was always pretty dead on).

I've always been very happy go lucky person- in our vows he said "I love that you can make me laugh every day, smile bright and often, and care about the little things between us". I kept trying to think of that today when he was here being a d*ck to me. I went through a really crappy period with work from Sept-Dec and wasn't happy. I just can't believe that 3-4 months of being slightly unhappy could trump the 6.5 years he had known me to be very happy. Maybe it was the timing- he really needed me to support him then because his dad's death and I really needed him to support me too and we both weren't emotionally available for each other.