Stand up. Poor and tired, but more than this.

[LIO]

I am literally at a loss for words and action.

Assistance needed please!


I talked to h last night on the phone. He was drunk (abnormal), drinking alone at a ba (abnormal) I jokingly asked him which girl he was with. He was angry until he figured out I was joking. He asked me to come. Over (and gave me his address finally).
He wanted sex but kept trying to make sure I knew there was no 'emotional' connection.
I saw his apartment that had no furniture. He had boxes and clothes all over, and was sleeping on the floor. It made me upset and I didn't think that our son should see him living like that and he needs stability. Wrong thing to say.


highlights:
H said he didn't want to be married because he couldn't work on his "businesses" that he wants to start

He hates having to take care of the house and us.

There isn't anything wrong with me

He didn't want responsibilities

He liked being able to go from work to home to do his art without having to interact.

He's was drunk. This is abnormal. He sounded depressed on phone.

we had argument that I tried to avoid (but I was tired, hungry, and emotional after seeing him for the first time in a week). He kept trying to kick me out when I disagreed with him. I should've left but I sat there like an idiot staring at him and beg, pleaded with him. I asked him if he was happy because he still seemed depressed. He told me he didn't care about anything and I could see him shutdown.
He promised me he was going to contact a counselor immediately so he could talk to a neutral party.


Eventually I left, but before I did, ihe thought it was 'funny' that I was so fixated on him dating. He said he has no interest and no time....(heard that before) He told me that there really was no physica relationship with that "ow",.. that he was enamoured with her and honestly there was no sex, and he absolutely slept on the couch by himself. I asked him why he said he did and he said it was because I was so angry about him lying, he figured I would end the relationship and he could pursue the ow and no responsibilities of taking care of house and me. That fizzled immediately when she harshly rejected him, now I understand why he could get over her that fast.

For the last 3 months I tortured myself over what she had that I didn't. I wrote emails, calls... trying to make sense of it.

When what he is telling me as far as I can mindread is that I absolutely need to back off. I need to set up day care and definitely put my house on market. I said to him that I needed him to be honest with me. As he is going through this period, and feels like his life has been so unsuccessful, especially in his desire for his businesses, I need to know what he needs from me so I can take care of what I can (daycare, allocating our old budget differently... whatever).

I received a voicemail today with an apology (that has. Never happened before). I called him to apologize for my half and to say I was embarrassed that I failed in that I allowed lack of food and sleep affect my work of controling my temper..

So I messed up in this whole approach.

Back to square one. Retreat!

As our interactions are so few, do I tell him that I'm backing off and to let me know if needs anything?

I need to continue to work on getting house up for sale.
He can't handle any "work" or requests I haveon my end at our house
Backing off...