New Day Rising

[greatwhitenorth]

H called. It was a surreal conversation in a lot of ways.

I asked him how he was doing, how the heart was, etc. It's all good.

I told him that I wasn't sure I was comfortable with him using the boat while my name is still on the loan, etc, because as long as it's on the water it's going to depreciate and if something happens it will be even worse.

His position is that he's sunk a lot of money into it (agreed, but I did too prior to the split), it's going to depreciate anyway (have no idea about this), and it's fully insured so if anything does happen it's covered.

I asked if he could take on the loan himsef. He said he'd look into it again, but probably not until child support is finished.

I asked if his mother could take over the loan guarantee for him. He said he'd look into that too.

He said he'd be OK with me using the boat and that he'd even bring me fish.

He said he'd even take me out in the boat but I probably wouldn't go. I said I might if you asked me. He said it might be nice to just go out and sit and talk.

He didn't ask me one single thing about how things are with me, the job loss, etc.

But he did say "I don't hate you, w. " I said that's a strange thing to say. He asked why, and I told him because I don't think he hates me, that I've never done anything for him to hate me. He then said "I just don't want you to think I'm trying to $crew you over because I hate you."

*******just stepped away to answer a call from H********

He wanted to know the name of the lender for the boat.

Then he asked me if there was any chance for a transfer at work (he might have remembered this from a previous convo), and I said, with great glee in my voice, "I'm going to be liberated!"

So I told him a little bit about my plan, and how it gives me cold shivers to talk about it, how everybody tells me a light goes on inside when I talk about it, and how I've only now realized how miserable I was at work for so long, that this is an opportunity to do something I've always wanted to do. I told him a little bit about it and he actually asked a couple of questions.

His whole tone changed, in a good way, and he was really happy for me.

He again brought up taking me out in the boat, and said jokingly, the way he used to, that he won't push me out. I said I'd take him up on it, that it would be nice to go for a swim in the river...."but wait! You might drive away!"

He VERY seriously responded with "Never say that. I would never do that. I don't want you to feel scared around me." I said I was joking, and asked, lightly, if he'd lost his sense of humour. He said no, but that's not something he can joke about.

Then we talked a bit about his D, and I told him she and I went for sushi and that she actually ate it! He and I used to do that all the time; step D was a very picky eater; a lot is different.

So...about the boat. In a year and a half when step D is finished her degree he'll be able to take on the loan. He's managing to make the payments on his own. As long as it doesn't sell I don't have to pay my share of the balance.

Part of me thinks it's in my best interest to let him do as he wishes with the boat, as long as I can be emotionally detached from it.

I would love to get:

1. your sense of our conversation

2. your thoughts on not disagreeing to his using the boat.

Thanks!