1702, you stated your objection so gently - you must be a very controlled, thoughtful, and reasonable person. I admire that. A lot of people come on here with reactivity being one of the problems in their marriage, and demonstrating it here and missing out on potential help.
What was likely meant is not to put you farther down but to help you clarify your situation. A lot of people come here believing their spouse went inexplicably crazy, and there turns out to be another person they're having an emotional or physical affair with. Does it help you to know it before you're ready to face it? no. Does it help you to imagine it if it's not necessarily correct? Maybe.
A lot of times it takes a long while for newcomers to realize exactly where they are and exactly what they can do about it, and it takes some painful comments and questions to get them there. What you need to learn is that you cannot control your W's actions, thoughts, or opinions. You absolutely can expect some things that happen to all of us - talking from the 'script', WAS making us out to be the bad guy, acting like nothing in our relationship was ever good - it's very helpful to realize you're part of a large community that's been there and done that.
What you need to learn is that you only control you and your best chance - no matter the outcome with your W - is to dig deep into yourself and become happier, more full of life, more interested and interesting, more completely OK with yourself. The hardest and most uncomfortable questions here are the ones most likely to help you do that.
Finally, the other posters here are human and have opinions right and wrong, and they have cranky days, and they sometimes see nails simply because they are hammers. Take what helps you and work on not being offended by the comments that 'smart.'
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
